Compensating for my Weaknesses by living my Strengths

Weakness:  Adaptability

Today set the stage perfectly. I had my day planned, my agenda set out and just could not find the odd moment in between to "quickly" add my contribution regarding this non-pattern! Believe me I tried! LOL! I Just could NOT respond in the now! I had to PLAN when I was going to respond! 
With Strategic #1 I always thought I was fairly adaptable. Over time I have realized that I actually need to plan things, even in splits of seconds or minutes. Never agenda-less. I can react fairly well to the unforeseen, in logical planned steps!

Weakness:  Context

When we play strongly in our strengths-arena, we so graciously compensate for our non-patterns that looking at them individually and scrutinizing the aspects that caused them to be ranked so low is an unnatural act in itself. It is almost "non-patternish"

Anyway, today I had the unfortunate privilege to check the stock sheets in our practice. Our software system does not give me the information my strategic and analytical needs, and I created a new way (ideation) that would provide us with more information to analyze. For this, I had to dig up invoices from the past 18 months! I could feel the agony of dealing with the old to create something new in my bones. Fortunately, my achiever turned my moves into robotic actions and I gradually gathering all the information. Even though I am drained I am very chuffed for completing. I can see the value of the past but I am grateful that I do not have to play there every day!

Weakness:  Consistency

I often wondered why Consistency is a non-pattern for me. I teach others on Policies an Procedures, I loathe unfairness more than I love fairness, I teach my children that rules can protect more than it can harm but still it came out low.

I discovered my answer in the fact that it is an Executional theme. When I have to get things done, the aim is to get it done within my own set of high values. If I have to do it within a set of rules that don't make sense tome, I will be more than happy to bend, alter, or rewrite them completely so that it makes sense to me. 

With my strong Influencing themes it actually comes naturally to challenge rules in order to create better ones. Until the situation asks for a new set of rules. Changing it is much more creative than following them just because they are there. 

This makes it difficult for people to get me. The people that know me well also know that I operate from strong values and that, even if I challenge or rewrite the rules or set procedures, they will know that it is born from strong conviction.

Weakness:  Harmony

"What are you resisting"?  Harmony? Maybe. Silence? Denial? 

Yes. 

So for the sake of resisting the things I find hard to agree with I really battle walking away to keep the peace for the sake of harmony. Awareness has helped me wait until I react. It has also helped me choose how to react. Thus tapping into my Top 10 before I allow my non-patterns to define my actions, I embrace my strongest talents to motivate my actions. 

For me, trust is clothed in harmony. Harmony cannot exist in situations where truth has no voice.

I love my Harmony where it is. That is where I trust it. Ready. Not absent. Just ready.

Weakness:  Restorative 

I was busy fiddling with an oooold Blackberry phone that my youngest (she is 6..) wants to have as "her phone", while contemplating my contribution wrt my #34. I then asked my eldest if she thought I was good at fixing things. True to her 17 years she rolled her eyes, sighed and indicated (wordlessly of course) that I was asking her while I was busy fixing this old phone. I then rephrased my question and asked her if she thought I wanted to fix things.

Her answer was this: Well, maybe it's not so much because you want to, but because you can.
And that is just it. Since I can remember I have been labelled my father's right hand. Being practical and innovative (hopefully due to a healthy mix between my strategic and ideation), I have always been the fixer. The yellow pages of the family. "Ask Lizelle, they said" rings true. I fix everything, from broken school shoes to light bulbs to printers. But maybe not because I want to. Maybe only because I can. Then it is a skill, not a talent.

What I can say to support Restorative at #34 relates to my sewing abilities. I used to love designing and sewing dresses without a pattern but with a picture in my mind. Once something went wrong and I had to fix the problem, the design lost its appeal and I would leave it and store it, untouched for years in cardboard boxes. 

I never liked fixing those.

Still need some coaching on this one though!

Lizelle Loock is an Gallup Certified Strengths Coach

lizelleloock@gmail.com 

Embracing my Weaknesses - while still being true to my Strengths

Strengths Institute recently had a 5 Day Weakness Awareness Challenge with their Network of Strengths Coaches.  We do not believe you should ignore your Weaknesses!  You should rather embrace it in a confidently vulnerable attitute.  Learn from it....but don't try to make it a strength.Over 5 days, each participant took one of their lowest 5 Talent Themes (Non Patterns) and reflected on the impact it has on personal thoughts, emotions and behaviour - from a weakening perspective.The feedback was incredible!  We decided to post some of the experiences of the Coaches as Blog Posts.  Enjoy!






Liesel Teversham - Strengths Institute Accredited Strengths Coach

Weakness:  Communication

When I found this was in my draining talents, it was actually the biggest RELIEF for me. 

I've known for many years that loads of talking drains me and I always thought there was something wrong with me. I used to teach 2 and 3 day workshops (up until 3 years ago) and after those, I was simply exhausted for a week or more. I couldn't understand what was 'wrong' with me. I LOVED the subject matter, the teaching, I was GOOD at it.... Why didn't I feel energized??

Now, I can see how it's the verbal expression that's tiring for me. The teaching I'll always be great at, the subject I know inside out - and I've had to come to terms with the fact that to keep my energy at acceptable levels, I'll need to manage HOW I teach in a different way. 

I also need to be careful how I structure my week. For coaching clients, I've realised I can't have more than 2 per day. 3 sends me over that healthy tip - then I wake up tired the next day and it gets worse from there. 

I started a podcast about a year ago and I've tried video marketing. With both of them, I realised it's just not the most FUN marketing activity for me. In fact, I start dreading it. I have to think very, very carefully about what I want to say beforehand. I have to do so much preparation that takes up way too much time. And I worry that I'm going to forget what I wanted to say. I'm NOT good thinking on my feet when I need to reply or do a talk 'on the spot'. 

I wish this one was a bit higher up in my list.  There's a lot more exploration for me to do here. I want to find the 'sweet spot' of how much verbal communicatiogn is good for me, and how far I can 'push' this one. 

I just hate that feeling of exhaustion after 2 days of talking and thinking about how to say things.

(And as you can see by the long post, WRITTEN expression is a different story. That energizes me like few other things.)

Weakness:  Significance  

Part of me just wants to keep this short and simply say
"I DETEST THE SPOTLIGHT!"

But I'll say a few more words. The writer in me can't resist.

I've worked on this thing for years with my tools and I'm so much better than I can remember myself as a child. To this day, when we have to go around the room and introduce ourselves in any environment, my heart starts beating like a train on a track when it gets to 2 or 3 away from me. 

I CAN look calm, I CAN say thank you nicely to acknowledgement of something I did that put me center stage... and boy, I don't enjoy it. When I published my first book in 2013 and I had a book launch in CT, I didn't enjoy all the fuss being made of me. Yes, it was a significant accomplishment for me. And I felt seriously proud. But I didn't need or want all that fuss from others. 

Center stage is not my spot. And I know I've judged people in the past because I thought they seemed arrogant or egotistical - I didn't understand this talent at the time. It always amazes me when people LOVE the attention and come alive when they're in the spotlight. 

It's just so not what I want. I cringe, blush, fiddle and can't wait to go back to my quiet space of observing. 

Hehe. How remarkably different we all are.

Weakness:  Includer

I had the biggest insight about something that I've been struggling with, and it came on the right day (Includer awareness) - while I was preparing for a talk about Strengths I'm doing next week for a small group in the US.

I've never had a need to be Included in everything. Peer pressure never did it's thing on me, even as a teenager. I didn't care whether I was included in parties and the 'cool' kids. And I often feel like I keep myself apart from people. It bugs me in a way because I feel like I don't belong, and yet I realise it's ME that's excluding myself. 

But the insight I had just now sheds some light on where it's a DRAINING talent for me. 

I've had some clients recently that had me feeling EXTRA drained. Communication at 30 means I have to be careful with how many appointments I can schedule on a day. And I thought that was the only thing that caused my tiredness. But..... here's the next piece. 

I often have an internal struggle between Empathy/Connectedness/Individualization on the one hand, and Includer on the other. Those first talents prod me to include EVERYONE in the work I do, especially those who struggle with emotional things. I want to help them all! 

But... the Includer finds it draining to include everyone! And the clients I've been working with recently are not my absolute favourite clients, truthfully. I feel BAD and guilty to admit this - and that's Empathy and Individualization talking, NOT Includer. 

But I suddenly realized now with a sigh of relief that perhaps it's BECAUSE I've tried to Include even non-ideal clients, that it's draining for me. 

Boy. I have a lot to sit with and process now. It's a fabulous insight for me.

Weakness:  Command

Oooh this one has always frightened me with my Harmony at #4.

I have huge resistance to 'take charge'. I remember one time on a week-long workshop, each person in a 10-member team had a chance to 'take charge' of the meal preparation (for the rest of the participants). I knew my time was coming and I thought I had it handled. 

But when push came to shove, and the whole team looked at me for 'instructions' on who had to do what, I promptly burst into tears and crumbled. Phew. Embarrassing, to say the least. 

I'd much rather let someone else call the shots, I'll happily follow instructions and decisions. As long as I don't have to make them - especially FOR other people. Or tell them what I think they should do. I run for the hills. 

Also, I used to be really frightened of people with this 'presence'. I'm not anymore - but I'm still not all that comfortable. And I feel (with my Empathy) sometimes that they discount me because I just cannot push back, I'd rather agree. I really don't enjoy that feeling of being 'discounted' and yet in a way it doesn't bother me. If I had Includer higher, it probably would. 

I am working a couple of hours a week at the moment for an IT company and I suspect the CEO has some 'Command' in him. I know I NEED to give him at least a little pushback... and sheeez it's tough for me. I can FEEL him not respecting me if I'm too meek. 

I really resist this talent.

Weakness:  Activator

Sighing deeply about this one... I never realised (until I started seeing this pattern a couple months ago) how often I say in my head "I'll do it later / just now."

Big problem. Later often doesn't arrive.

I was in this exact situation again yesterday... Over a couple of days or 2 weeks I receive a few requests for help/support/work/ participating in something. I think "I'll think about it and decide later."

And then all of a sudden (well, haha) it's built up to a pile of decisions I need to make, I feel overwhelmed and unable to think clearly. Anxiety about everything I need to deal with then.... 

My Intellection at 5 has a huge impact here - it needs time to process and think before deciding or doing. They fuel each other unfortunately.

I have a good friend with Activator in his T5. I once told him my thought process of "I'll do it later." He burst out laughing and said that never, ever, ever crosses his mind. We have fun with each other now around this.

I find it soooo hard to get up early or starting projects. When I've started I can finish, no problem (with Achiever at 10). But boy, the starting energy is EVER so low. 

Liesel Teversham is an accredited Strengths Coach with the Strengths Institute South Africa.

liesel@clearspace.za.net 

Most common challenges in managing any of the StrengthsFinder Talent Themes

By Dries Lombaard
Strategic Leadership Institute and NeuWorx Coaching

Over the past 18 months I wrote on each of the 34 Talent themes and some of the most common challenges in managing them well.  I took the insight from my experience through hundreds of sessions of Strengths Coaching over the past decade.

This is a very helpful resource for Strengths Coaches, leaders, managers or anyone striving to build more on your own Strengths.

My foundational principle for this series is as follows:  "A well-managed talent becomes a strength...but a miss-managed talent becomes a detriment."  
This very principle also forms the core of my Strengths Coaching sessions.  I never use the cliche that "your strength becomes your weakness", simply because I do not believe it to be true.  Your Strengths will never be your weakness because it will never weaken or drain you.  But, it may very well become your detriment...wrecking your dreams, relationships and even your health.

I believe the awareness of your Talents by understanding their contribution is a very small step in the start of your Strengths journey.  The real challenge is managing the patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving of each of the 34 Talent themes well.  I have witnessed countless of lives change with the knowledge and skill of well managed talents.  Only then can you truly claim it to be your Strength.  Otherwise is may well simply be your detriment...

Herewith the list of all 34 the StrengthsFinder Talent Theme articles on how to manage it well. Simply click on the one you want to read about.

I will also welcome any comments or feedback from your side - you are after all the expert on your own talents!


Enjoy!


Executing Talents:

Managing your Achiever
Managing your Arranger
Managing your Belief
Managing your Consistency
Managing your Discipline
Managing your Deliberative
Managing your Focus
Managing your Responsibility
Managing your Restorative

Influencing Talents:

Managing your Activator
Managing your Command
Managing your Competition
Managing your Communication
Managing your Maximizer
Managing your Self Assurance
Managing your Significance
Managing your WOO

Relational Talents:

Managing your Adaptability
Managing your Connectedness
Managing your Developer
Managing your Empathy
Managing your Harmony
Managing your Individualization
Managing your Includer
Managing your Positivity
Managing your Relator

Thinking Talents

Managing your Analytical
Managing your Context
Managing your Futuristic
Managing your Ideation
Managing your Input
Managing your Intellection
Managing your Learner
Managing your Strategic

Managing your Talents [32] - Harmony

By Dries Lombaard

According to Gallup, the essence of the talent theme of Harmony is the following:

You look for areas of agreement. In your view there is little to be gained from conflict and friction, so you seek to hold them to a minimum. When you know that the people around you hold differing views, you try to find the common ground. You try to steer

them away from confrontation and toward harmony. In fact, harmony is one of your guiding values. You can’t quite believe how much time is wasted by people trying to impose their views on others. Wouldn’t we all be more productive if we kept our opinions in check and instead looked for consensus and support? You believe we would, and you live by that belief. When others are sounding off about their goals, their claims, and their fervently held opinions, you hold your peace. When others strike out in a direction, you will willingly, in the service of harmony, modify your own objectives to merge with theirs (as long as their basic values do not clash with yours). When others start to argue about their pet theory or concept, you steer clear of the debate, preferring to talk about practical, down-to-earth matters on which you can all agree. In your view we are all in the same boat, and we need this boat to get where we are going. It is a good boat. There is no need to rock it just to show that you can.

But a talent like this on itself is quite meaningless unless you develop and manage it.   That is why we believe that "a well managed talent becomes a strength, but a mismanaged talent becomes a detriment".

How do you manage the talent of Harmony?

Your Harmony is very intuitive. It can sense an atmosphere in a room in an instant. The brilliance of this is that it can work for a win-win. But, most people with a strong Harmony talent do not like conflict at all. In fact, you may try to avoid it at all cost. 
You need to manage the fact that you will be involve in conflict in life. The only way to avoid it, is to either hide somewhere, or to capitulate on all your values, beliefs or needs. Your Harmony has a very strong emotional effect on you. But this should be an empowering emotion, not a paralyzing one.  Where other talents (like Command, for instance) are energized by confrontation, your Harmony may find it detrimental in a way that it completely drains you emotionally.  The feeling is normal.  The effect it may have on you need not be a detriment if managed well.

How?

Conflict management is a skill that you need to learn.  Remember that the skill of conflict management does not only apply to those who want to avoid it, but also to those who over-react to it.  You can find plenty of books and articles on conflict management. (Read one I wrote in this blog here.)  There are also numerous courses you can attend to develop a skill for optimum conflict management.  You will learn that there are different styles of conflict management, some which will suit your Harmony perfectly. (Read what I wrote about these styles here).  
What you may not realize is that a well managed Harmony has the ability to engage in conflict in a manner which will give the advantage of outcome not only to you, but to others also.  A true win-win.  

Harmony contributes harmony.  It has a need for peace and fairness. Just remember that a Harmony talent which is over-used may actually hinder development and growth, in yourself and others. The Harmony talent is one of those which goes with strong Emotional Intelligence.  All talents need high EQ, but the Relational talents (like Harmony) thrives when it is supported by EQ.  Sometimes the over-use of Harmony causes you to actually have a detrimental effect on productivity, growth or development.  That is simply because harmony is not always the best environment where growth, development or productivity occurs best.  People grow outside of their comfort zone.  And mostly that means that they are "out of harmony".  And you will have to allow this to happen.

How?

Be conscious of the fact that some situations need NOT to be harmonious, but actually uncomfortable.  Manage your emotions in such a way that it allows this kind of situation.  Mostly it is simply a decision. If you see the outcome as positive and needed you will be more in control of this emotion.
Harmony is a natural emotional need with you. So it will always take conscious decisions to hold that emotion in check.  It is a "mind over emotion" action.
Remember that you cannot "switch off" a talent theme.  And you should never attempt to.  But, you can turn down the volume, or add some base, treble or rhythm to it.  All this is possible with conscious decisions and a desirable outcome.

Go create harmony!!


Dries Lombaard is the co-owner of Strategic Leadership Institute and NeuWorx, and has more than 7000 hours of Strengths Coaching experience over the last decade.  He is leading a vibrant and growing network of Strengths Coaches in Southern Africa, and works with corporate and multinational leadership and management teams and C-level leaders as a Strengths Coach and training facilitator.  

Managing your Talents [31] - Empathy

By Dries Lombaard

According to Gallup, the essence of the talent theme of Empathy is the following:

"You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person’s perspective. You do not necessarily feel pity for each person’s predicament — this would be sympathy, not Empathy. You do not necessarily condone the choices each person makes, but you do understand. This instinctive ability to understand is powerful. You hear the unvoiced questions. You anticipate the need. Where others grapple for words, you seem to find the right words and the right tone. You help people find the right phrases to express their feelings — to themselves as well as to others. You help them give voice to their emotional life. For all these reasons other people are drawn to you."

But a talent like this on itself is quite meaningless unless you develop and manage it. That is why we believe that "a well managed talent becomes a strength, but a mismanaged talent becomes a detriment".

How do you manage the talent of Empathy?

The talent of Empathy is very unique in the way it gives you a sense of emotions. It can be regarded as one of only a few "sensing" talent themes - giving you the ability to sense emotions intuitively.

This intuition of yours will create a sense of trust in most people when they encounter you.  They are aware of your respect for their emotions.  But, in the same way it can also be in a strange way "threatening" to some.  The fact that you are tuned in to the emotions around you, and intuitively sense it in people, also cause your behavior to be accurate when you respond to peoples emotions.  When people then try to hide their feelings - for whatever reason - and the see you reacting to their "hidden emotions", they may withdraw from you.  Do not take this personally.  You will want to manage the circumstance and manage your own emotions if this happens.

How?

Be aware of your intuitive sense, and therefor the fact that people may find it awkward or uncomfortable when you sense how they feel, and react to it. Remember that it is absolutely natural for you to be tuned in to emotions. The mere fact that you feel what others feel is a gift. Manage this gift by acquiring a sensitivity towards people when you pick up that they may feel uncomfortable in your presence. Do not talk about emotions or personal things - rather make small talk and set them at ease. The most important skill you should have is the ability to know when people opens the foot for you to enter into their emotional world, and when you  should not.  This is the essence of respect for boundaries. And this is a skill of emotional intelligence and maturity. Practice this, without being withdrawn from people as they might need you to step closer to their hearts. But make sure they are ready.

Do not mistake this beautiful talent theme as useless when it comes to leadership or to high performance environments. If well managed, this is exactly where your talent can make a huge difference!

People make the huge mistake to stereotype certain talent themes and box them within specific environments, to specific roles or within specific functions. With Empathy people may see it as a "soft" talent that cannot be assertive or lead with confidence. Nonsense. A well managed Empathy is exactly what people need in leadership. Especially within the corporate business world, leadership is misunderstood as emotionless drive.  Actually, what followers need is compassion, stability, trust and hope (Strengths Based Leadership, Tom Rath, Gallup Press). The Empathy talent is a perfect fit for these needs in followers.  But you should put it out there with decisiveness.

How?

Do not look down on your Empathy talent (or on those of others) as a "soft, push-over" type of talent.  That is a wrong assumption and actually the core of projection, labeling and judging.  A well managed Empathy is actually an extremely strong and stable talent theme.  You stand firm when most crumble under the weight of emotional pressure or emotional turmoil.  And, believe it or not, people and emotion goes together....
Celebrate your Empathy talent by embracing it as a strength. It makes you strong. It gives you an important advantage. It is an ability of intuition that is exactly what the world needs more of.  

Finally:  most people are very upset when Empathy is assessed as being low on their StrengthsFinder Full 34 report.  "But, I have empathy!" or "I am not a heartless person!" will be the feedback I hear.
Listen....we can all care.  We should care.  But empathy is not caring. Caring is sympathy.
Empathy is "Carrying".  If you carry the emotions and feelings with someone, in your thoughts, emotions and actions, then you have empathy.  And if you carry without even deciding to - then you have the talent of Empathy!

Lead with empathy. Live with empathy. It is a strength.

Dries Lombaard is the co-owner of Strategic Leadership Institute and NeuWorx, and has more than 7000 hours of Strengths Coaching experience over the last decade.  He is leading a vibrant and growing network of Strengths Coaches in Southern Africa, and works with corporate and multinational leadership and management teams and C-level leaders as a Strengths Coach and training facilitator.  

Stop Being so Nice...

If you have the theme of Harmony in your top 5 StrengthsFinder talent mix, you can identify with the fact that conflict is very difficult for you and that avoidance is usually the way you handle conflict.

But, steering clear of disagreements and leaving things unsaid creates unnecessary complexity and needless anxiety. To get better at confronting conflict constructively, follow these three steps:

1. Reflect. Ask yourself whether there are times you should've spoken up but held your tongue. Do you avoid certain types of conflicts? Is there a pattern?

2. Get feedback. Ask trusted friends and colleagues how they perceive your readiness to engage in constructive conflict. They might see patterns that are less obvious to you. Do you need to see the situation from the other person’s perspective?

3. Experiment. You don't have to change overnight. Try pushing back on a request or speaking up in a meeting and see how it goes. Preface your comment with an admission that you are working on getting better at conflict. This will help demonstrate your sincerity. If you have to confront one-on-one, is there someone else in your team that can assist you with the wording and confrontational style? The talent themes of Command and Empathy can assist you. Can you identify what the common ground is in this situation?

Taken and adapted from
http://web.hbr.org/email/archive/managementtip.php?date=101910

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