Embracing my Weaknesses - while still being true to my Strengths

Strengths Institute recently had a 5 Day Weakness Awareness Challenge with their Network of Strengths Coaches.  We do not believe you should ignore your Weaknesses!  You should rather embrace it in a confidently vulnerable attitute.  Learn from it....but don't try to make it a strength.Over 5 days, each participant took one of their lowest 5 Talent Themes (Non Patterns) and reflected on the impact it has on personal thoughts, emotions and behaviour - from a weakening perspective.The feedback was incredible!  We decided to post some of the experiences of the Coaches as Blog Posts.  Enjoy!






Liesel Teversham - Strengths Institute Accredited Strengths Coach

Weakness:  Communication

When I found this was in my draining talents, it was actually the biggest RELIEF for me. 

I've known for many years that loads of talking drains me and I always thought there was something wrong with me. I used to teach 2 and 3 day workshops (up until 3 years ago) and after those, I was simply exhausted for a week or more. I couldn't understand what was 'wrong' with me. I LOVED the subject matter, the teaching, I was GOOD at it.... Why didn't I feel energized??

Now, I can see how it's the verbal expression that's tiring for me. The teaching I'll always be great at, the subject I know inside out - and I've had to come to terms with the fact that to keep my energy at acceptable levels, I'll need to manage HOW I teach in a different way. 

I also need to be careful how I structure my week. For coaching clients, I've realised I can't have more than 2 per day. 3 sends me over that healthy tip - then I wake up tired the next day and it gets worse from there. 

I started a podcast about a year ago and I've tried video marketing. With both of them, I realised it's just not the most FUN marketing activity for me. In fact, I start dreading it. I have to think very, very carefully about what I want to say beforehand. I have to do so much preparation that takes up way too much time. And I worry that I'm going to forget what I wanted to say. I'm NOT good thinking on my feet when I need to reply or do a talk 'on the spot'. 

I wish this one was a bit higher up in my list.  There's a lot more exploration for me to do here. I want to find the 'sweet spot' of how much verbal communicatiogn is good for me, and how far I can 'push' this one. 

I just hate that feeling of exhaustion after 2 days of talking and thinking about how to say things.

(And as you can see by the long post, WRITTEN expression is a different story. That energizes me like few other things.)

Weakness:  Significance  

Part of me just wants to keep this short and simply say
"I DETEST THE SPOTLIGHT!"

But I'll say a few more words. The writer in me can't resist.

I've worked on this thing for years with my tools and I'm so much better than I can remember myself as a child. To this day, when we have to go around the room and introduce ourselves in any environment, my heart starts beating like a train on a track when it gets to 2 or 3 away from me. 

I CAN look calm, I CAN say thank you nicely to acknowledgement of something I did that put me center stage... and boy, I don't enjoy it. When I published my first book in 2013 and I had a book launch in CT, I didn't enjoy all the fuss being made of me. Yes, it was a significant accomplishment for me. And I felt seriously proud. But I didn't need or want all that fuss from others. 

Center stage is not my spot. And I know I've judged people in the past because I thought they seemed arrogant or egotistical - I didn't understand this talent at the time. It always amazes me when people LOVE the attention and come alive when they're in the spotlight. 

It's just so not what I want. I cringe, blush, fiddle and can't wait to go back to my quiet space of observing. 

Hehe. How remarkably different we all are.

Weakness:  Includer

I had the biggest insight about something that I've been struggling with, and it came on the right day (Includer awareness) - while I was preparing for a talk about Strengths I'm doing next week for a small group in the US.

I've never had a need to be Included in everything. Peer pressure never did it's thing on me, even as a teenager. I didn't care whether I was included in parties and the 'cool' kids. And I often feel like I keep myself apart from people. It bugs me in a way because I feel like I don't belong, and yet I realise it's ME that's excluding myself. 

But the insight I had just now sheds some light on where it's a DRAINING talent for me. 

I've had some clients recently that had me feeling EXTRA drained. Communication at 30 means I have to be careful with how many appointments I can schedule on a day. And I thought that was the only thing that caused my tiredness. But..... here's the next piece. 

I often have an internal struggle between Empathy/Connectedness/Individualization on the one hand, and Includer on the other. Those first talents prod me to include EVERYONE in the work I do, especially those who struggle with emotional things. I want to help them all! 

But... the Includer finds it draining to include everyone! And the clients I've been working with recently are not my absolute favourite clients, truthfully. I feel BAD and guilty to admit this - and that's Empathy and Individualization talking, NOT Includer. 

But I suddenly realized now with a sigh of relief that perhaps it's BECAUSE I've tried to Include even non-ideal clients, that it's draining for me. 

Boy. I have a lot to sit with and process now. It's a fabulous insight for me.

Weakness:  Command

Oooh this one has always frightened me with my Harmony at #4.

I have huge resistance to 'take charge'. I remember one time on a week-long workshop, each person in a 10-member team had a chance to 'take charge' of the meal preparation (for the rest of the participants). I knew my time was coming and I thought I had it handled. 

But when push came to shove, and the whole team looked at me for 'instructions' on who had to do what, I promptly burst into tears and crumbled. Phew. Embarrassing, to say the least. 

I'd much rather let someone else call the shots, I'll happily follow instructions and decisions. As long as I don't have to make them - especially FOR other people. Or tell them what I think they should do. I run for the hills. 

Also, I used to be really frightened of people with this 'presence'. I'm not anymore - but I'm still not all that comfortable. And I feel (with my Empathy) sometimes that they discount me because I just cannot push back, I'd rather agree. I really don't enjoy that feeling of being 'discounted' and yet in a way it doesn't bother me. If I had Includer higher, it probably would. 

I am working a couple of hours a week at the moment for an IT company and I suspect the CEO has some 'Command' in him. I know I NEED to give him at least a little pushback... and sheeez it's tough for me. I can FEEL him not respecting me if I'm too meek. 

I really resist this talent.

Weakness:  Activator

Sighing deeply about this one... I never realised (until I started seeing this pattern a couple months ago) how often I say in my head "I'll do it later / just now."

Big problem. Later often doesn't arrive.

I was in this exact situation again yesterday... Over a couple of days or 2 weeks I receive a few requests for help/support/work/ participating in something. I think "I'll think about it and decide later."

And then all of a sudden (well, haha) it's built up to a pile of decisions I need to make, I feel overwhelmed and unable to think clearly. Anxiety about everything I need to deal with then.... 

My Intellection at 5 has a huge impact here - it needs time to process and think before deciding or doing. They fuel each other unfortunately.

I have a good friend with Activator in his T5. I once told him my thought process of "I'll do it later." He burst out laughing and said that never, ever, ever crosses his mind. We have fun with each other now around this.

I find it soooo hard to get up early or starting projects. When I've started I can finish, no problem (with Achiever at 10). But boy, the starting energy is EVER so low. 

Liesel Teversham is an accredited Strengths Coach with the Strengths Institute South Africa.

liesel@clearspace.za.net 

Most common challenges in managing any of the StrengthsFinder Talent Themes

By Dries Lombaard
Strategic Leadership Institute and NeuWorx Coaching

Over the past 18 months I wrote on each of the 34 Talent themes and some of the most common challenges in managing them well.  I took the insight from my experience through hundreds of sessions of Strengths Coaching over the past decade.

This is a very helpful resource for Strengths Coaches, leaders, managers or anyone striving to build more on your own Strengths.

My foundational principle for this series is as follows:  "A well-managed talent becomes a strength...but a miss-managed talent becomes a detriment."  
This very principle also forms the core of my Strengths Coaching sessions.  I never use the cliche that "your strength becomes your weakness", simply because I do not believe it to be true.  Your Strengths will never be your weakness because it will never weaken or drain you.  But, it may very well become your detriment...wrecking your dreams, relationships and even your health.

I believe the awareness of your Talents by understanding their contribution is a very small step in the start of your Strengths journey.  The real challenge is managing the patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving of each of the 34 Talent themes well.  I have witnessed countless of lives change with the knowledge and skill of well managed talents.  Only then can you truly claim it to be your Strength.  Otherwise is may well simply be your detriment...

Herewith the list of all 34 the StrengthsFinder Talent Theme articles on how to manage it well. Simply click on the one you want to read about.

I will also welcome any comments or feedback from your side - you are after all the expert on your own talents!


Enjoy!


Executing Talents:

Managing your Achiever
Managing your Arranger
Managing your Belief
Managing your Consistency
Managing your Discipline
Managing your Deliberative
Managing your Focus
Managing your Responsibility
Managing your Restorative

Influencing Talents:

Managing your Activator
Managing your Command
Managing your Competition
Managing your Communication
Managing your Maximizer
Managing your Self Assurance
Managing your Significance
Managing your WOO

Relational Talents:

Managing your Adaptability
Managing your Connectedness
Managing your Developer
Managing your Empathy
Managing your Harmony
Managing your Individualization
Managing your Includer
Managing your Positivity
Managing your Relator

Thinking Talents

Managing your Analytical
Managing your Context
Managing your Futuristic
Managing your Ideation
Managing your Input
Managing your Intellection
Managing your Learner
Managing your Strategic

Managing your Talent [28] - Activator

By Dries Lombaard

Director:  Strategic Engagement; The Strengths Institute

According to Gallup, the essence of the talent theme of Activator is the following:

“When can we start?” This is a recurring question in your life. You are impatient for action. You may concede that 

analysis has its uses or that debate and discussion can occasionally yield some valuable insights, but deep down you know that only action is real. Only action can make things happen. Only action leads to performance. Once a decision is made, you cannot not act. Others may worry that “there are still some things we don’t know,” but this doesn’t seem to slow you. If the decision has been made to go across town, you know that the fastest way to get there is to go stoplight to stoplight. You are not going to sit around waiting until all the lights have turned green. Besides, in your view, action and thinking are not opposites. In fact, guided by your Activator theme, you believe that action is the best device for learning. You make a decision, you take action, you look at the result, and you learn. This learning informs your next action and your next. How can you grow if you have nothing to react to? Well, you believe you can’t. You must put yourself out there. You must take the next step. It is the only way to keep your thinking fresh and informed. The bottom line is this: You know you will be judged not by what you say, not by what you think, but by what you get done. This does not frighten you. It pleases you."

But a talent like this on itself is quite meaningless unless you develop and manage it. That is why we believe that "a well managed talent becomes a strength, but a mismanaged talent becomes a detriment".

How do you manage the talent of Activator?

Activators are fast, impatient and energetic. They create an energy with people that results in activation, movement and urgency.
I just love the Activators in my space.  Maybe it is because I am high in Ideation, so where for me, the idea is the point, the Activators just cannot let a great idea go. They have this need to turn ideas into action.  But it is more than that....they are probably the best motivators around.  Very much like a Woo or Maximizer, they want to convince you that there is something better if you simply make the move.

Now this energy can just as easily become a detriment.  The urgency and impatience which comes with the Activator talent often cause them to "rush in", make fast and sometimes impulsive decisions and moves, and skip crucial deliberation, strategizing or planning before the move.  And, they take others with remember.  So this detriment of "over-activation" may be quite a frustration to people who, sometimes blindly, follow the Activators.  Thus, this urgency need management....

How?

The solution seems simply to everyone, except to the Activators.  It is simply to "pause".  I know, the mere word probably frustrates the Activators!  But I do not mean you should abandon, delay unnecessarily or give too much time.  I just mean you should have that intentional "pause button" in your behavior that not only give you time to be certain that the move is the right one, but it also respects the need of the deliberators, strategists and planners to "catch up" with you, or even potentially warn you against lurking problems ahead.  Activators should also realize that others may be much more engaged and resilient if they had some time to "buy in" to the idea or prepare for action.
Develop a "pause button". But, still celebrate your urgency and speed!

Ask any Activator, and many will confess that they have lots of start-ups they innitiated ...but not as many finishes. The "finishing energy" of Activators are pretty low. They get bored, and move on.
If this is part of your Activator legacy, you will also know that people around you are pretty frustrated by this tendency.  Maybe they even developed the behavior of not taking your initiatives seriously, as they expect you to let it go and move on pretty soon.
You need to realize that what you do is not wrong.  Starting things, and getting others moving, is what make you strong.  But, you will definitely have to manage this strength.

How?

The very best way for an Activator to overcome this challenge, is to surround yourself with strong finishers.  Not all Talent Themes has the same energy to finish things.  Strong finishing talents includes talents themes like Achiever, Discipline, Responsibility, Focus and Competition - among others.  Making sure that they are assisting you once you've started to drive towards the completion or finish line, is what you need.
Another way of getting some of your brilliant start-ups to end in a complete achievement, is to acquire definite finishing skills or assisting resources. There are unlimited resources available online or an mobile apps which really helps to consciously drive towards a successful finishing. 

Go Activate!! The world needs more of you.

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