23 April 2015

Why not being able to say "No", means you're actually saying "No" all the time.

By Dries Lombaard, Director:  Strategic Engagement, Strengths Institute
There are a few classic detrimental struggles which I find to be very common with individuals I coach.  Very few sessions go by without someone admitting to me that they are kept back in their careers or relationships by seemingly unsurmountable and habitual practices like distrusting people, failure to meet deadlines, being seen as either too aggressive or too meek and mild and the like.
But there is one habit which I am used to by now as being the "mother of all detriments" within peoples careers.  It is a slow poison, but eventually it destroys health, relationships, partnerships and healthy teamwork.  It  is the inability to say "No". 
People with this detrimental habit have a lot in common.  Usually they are very supportive by nature.  They also have huge capacity for work.  They are trustworthy, loyal, likable and hard working.  And all of this makes them suckers for the "resisting-of-no" trap.   When it comes to the talent themes of the Clifton StrengthsFinder, you can bet your life on the fact that someone with the talent of "Responsibility" in their Top 10 will admit to the inability or struggle to say "no".  Ad "Achiever" talent to the mix, and you get a "Super Theme" of capacity, which also means the need of "Responsibility" to take ownership combine with the need of "Achiever" to achieve....and you have a "Yes, sure...give it to me" explosion.  So their greatest talents, mismanaged, becomes their greatest detriment.
At the core of the inability to say "no" you will find the lack of healthy boundaries.  It is for this reason I always recommend the brilliant book by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life" to my clients.
Still, I get the best response from clients if I explain the actual truth of this detrimental habit to them. I always get puzzling stares when I respond to the "I cannot say "no" admission with "What you actually mean is that you say "No" all the time, and that is getting the most of you."   
"No" they reply, "the problem is exactly that I CANNOT say "No" !  
I will then persist:  "You are actually a master at saying "No".  You are so good with it that you do it even without knowing it."  
It is then that I let them off the hook, and explain what I mean:
Saying "Yes" to something, always and inevitably means saying "No" to something else. There is always a trade-off. 
  • Saying "Yes" to take on an extra task at work and staying late, means you just said "No" to your child waiting for you at home.
  • Saying "Yes" to quickly jump up and help someone fix something the need fixing at their desk, means you just said "No" to be available at your desk when someone calls you there.
  • Saying "Yes" to read through someones presentation at home to make sure they have everything covered, means you just said "No" to relaxing with your spouse or partner as you always do in the evenings.
  • Saying "Yes" to meet an unrealistic and sudden deadline because of someone else's bad planning, means you just said "No" to the sleep you desperately need.
  • Saying "Yes" to your friend to help him with his building project at home over the weekend, means you just said "No" to your family who are desperate to spend time with you.
  • Saying "Yes" consistently for working too hard and too long hours means you are saying "No" consistently to your health and wellness.
You say "No" every single day.  You just mask it with a "Yes" for some other priority, reason or cause. But you are a professional and brilliant "No-sayer".  

And you can flip the bullet points above around, and then say "Yes" to everything you usually say "No" to, by simply taking the control, and audibly say "No" when someone need you outside of your healthy and needed boundaries.
This realization usually stop people dead in their tracks.  They realize that it is not about an inability to say "No", but actually their fear of the possible response or rejection from others in the moment, that may result from it.  So, we would rather say "No" to those who we think will not reject us:  we say "No" to ourselves, our children, our spouses, our health and our own time.  But, eventually, we get rejected by all of those also.  And then it is too late.
Next time you feel the urge to say "Yes",  knowing that it should actually be a "No", remember that you are saying "No" anyway.  Count the cost. There is always a trade-off.
"No" is a complete sentence.

19 April 2015

How you can overcome the detrimental impact of your weaknesses, to better build on your Strengths

by Dries Lombaard, Strategic Leadership Institute


Obviously the ultimate goal and sensible wisdom is to always focus on your natural talents and increasing their impact as strengths.  You cannot and should not ignore your weaknesses.  Your weaknesses are those activities filled with the type of thinking, emotions or behaviors, which naturally drains you – very much the same as "kryptonite" steals the energy from Superman.

Ignoring these detriments will never be the answer to excelling in your Strengths. But, you also cannot afford to spend too much time and energy on managing those weaknesses, as the logical result won’t be Strengths-based excellence and results.

Furthermore, weakness is not the only problem when it comes to flowing in your talents.  I found that “strengths running wild” can cause a lot more damage and detriment than passive weaknesses.  When it come to your talents, you cannot “switch them off” – and you should never attempt to, as you will fail.  But, each strength has a volume knob.  You can turn the specific strength-volume up or down as needed.  At times a specific strength (or a combination) may need to be on full blast.  In other situations you need to turn it down to maybe become hardly audible….or simply a soft background tune.   We call this “managing your talents well”, and it is the absolute key to a strengths-based life or career.

In my experience as a professional Strengths Coach and Talent Advisor, I adopted a “Four S” approach as a tool to advise someone stuck within their weaknesses, or just as possible, stuck in a position for which they simply do not have the right mix of natural talent to sustainably support them from inside.  These Four “S’s” form a very practical and simple way to limit the detriment caused by either weaknesses or by mismanaged talents.


First “S” – Stop doing it.

It is interesting how quick people are to respond to this advice with a “that’s simply not possible”.  Agreed, sometimes it won’t be possible to get out of a job, out of a relationship or out of a detrimental situation.  But on the other hand, if you ask any person who successfully build on their strengths and limit the impact of their weaknesses, they will tell you about high risk moves and sacrifices they made in order to achieve a strengths-filled life.   And very often it was to say "no", walk away or - yes - to even resign.  Because I have done some of this myself more than once in my life and career, I am not ignorant about the risk, the consequences and the implication.  Therefor this decision should be considered very carefully. 


 On the other hand, I am also convinced that the word and negative label “quitting” is very unfortunate.  Quitting is not per definition foolish, bad or failure.  It is the timing and reason behind quitting that makes is foolish or wise, good or bad or a success or a failure.  Contrary to conventional opinion, I do not believe in the "never quit" slogan.  Wisdom is to know when to quit, and when not to.  I believe you can “quit wisely.”  And please remember – quitting is not always as radical as you are made to believe.  You can, for instance, quit within your job, relationship or venture without quitting the job, relationship or venture.  Think about this…. Quitting does not always imply finality.


So do not let yourself (or someone else) get off too easy when you consider simply stopping going down the road you are on.  You may even be surprised at the reaction of others if you decide to stop going down the road you are on.  Some won’t even notice.  Others will praise you for doing it (and may even be relieved!)  Yes, you will also be criticized – but honestly, that will be the case even when you carry on also, as you know that you are already not performing on that road.


Second “S” – Skill can pull you through.

Talent is not the same as skill.  You can acquire skill in an area for which you have simply no talent – and thus also no appetite.  That is why you get people who are excellent in what they do, but who simultaneously hate what they do.
The ultimate aim in life is to acquire the type of skills that will align with your talents, thus turning it into strengths.   But skill can also be the key to help you get out of weakness traps or “detriment spirals”.  If you identify specific skills to make up for lack of talent, you can really overcome tricky situations and reach goals – without sacrificing your strengths focus in the process.

For instance, if you are lacking executing talents supporting you in natural goal-setting and time-management (like Achiever, Arranger, Focus or Discipline to name a few) you may consider investing in some skills when it comes to time-management, planning and goal setting.  All of these qualities can be enhanced with skills, and there are plentiful books, people and organizations available that specialize in teaching these skills.  


 Or, if you lack the talents and energy to flow with more personal and intimate relational situations which require talents like Empathy, Individualization, Harmony or Relator, you can always spend time acquiring much needed relational skills through coaching, counseling, reading more on the dynamics behind it and becoming more aware of how it functions.  The knowledge and skill will carry you far when it comes to your stretch within emotional or relational situations.  But of course, those situations will always have a draining effect on you, and you won’t ever be as natural within that space than someone who are wired for it.

Please understand me clearly:  I do not with this advice suggest that you can or should do anything by simply acquiring the skill.  I firmly believe that success in life is not about the attitude “I can do anything I set my mind to” (even if there is some truth to it), but rather about “I should do very specific things that I am naturally talented to do”. If  you do not have an appetite or natural sense to, for instance, do time management well and with high energy and persistence, you will also find it a stretch and pretty difficult to acquire the skill to do it. But you still can. And it can help you a lot.   

Having the skills will never turn those activities into high-energy flow areas for you, but it can help you getting to a level where it is no longer such a detriment that it becomes an obstacle in your career, relationships or personal goals.  It may even save you form some very embarrassing moments.


Third “S” – Support is crucial to win.

A Strengths-based mindset always think as follows: “Who can support me with their Strengths in the areas where I am weak?"  It is impossible to live a Strengths-based life alone.   Support is crucial to win.
There are nearly always people close to you – colleagues, friends, family or partners – who are naturally strong where you are weak.  There are those energized by execution of tasks and finishing it in time, even if that is like “kryptonite”, or a blind-spot to you.  Your colleague may thrive in relational interaction even if you do not.  Your partner may be a natural strategic thinker, great with ideas or analytically brilliant, even if that area is a complete minefield to you.  There are those around you who can influence people in a way that will astonish you, and you may desperately need them at your side.

I followed with interest over my years as a Strength Coach the way people naturally and mostly unknowingly “tap” into the natural talents of those around them.  As humans we are mostly drawn to those who are strong in areas where we are weak….(maybe that is exactly why opposites attract, right?).  Thus you will find that you were maybe already seeking out support from others who are strong in areas of your weakness.  But even if this is the case, you will raise the bar of energy and excellence for them and you if you do it with more intention.  If you approach them with confidence, which may reveal your vulnerability, but at the same time celebrate their strengths.

That brings me to the most important part of seeking support in your weakness: being vulnerable.  Brene Brown (www.brenebrown.com) brought the importance of vulnerability to light with her books (especially “Daring Greatly”, and talks.  One of her powerful quotes:  “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

What is the best way to be vulnerable, getting support you need? 
I have one word:  “Ask.”




Fourth “S” – Situational talent application is wise.

Use your talents wisely.  Talent that aligns with the activity, situation or challenge becomes real Strengths.  For talent to be strength it needs to flow within the situation of challenge for which it was made.

Managing your talents – both the strengths and weaknesses, means managing the situation. Managing the situation comes down to the choices you make:  to engage or disengage, to offer your help or to say no when asked, to simply push through with grid or to quit wisely.  We often do not see the way we choose the situation we find ourselves in.  How often do I here the comment “But I have / had no choice…”  In almost all instances that turns out as a lie.  You always have some choice – if it is not directed towards creating circumstance, it definitely is towards reacting to circumstance.  Knowing the best situations where your talents can play and flow will guide your choices towards playing to your strengths – and embracing your weaknesses as vulnerability not to be ashamed of.

People often only realize their limitations when they are already in a situation.  We call that “learning”.  How else will you know where your strengths fade and your weakness starts?  If you do not learn from it, you are a fool. Next time, that same learning leads to wise situational decisions.

Some talent themes find this an extremely difficult scenario to get out of – and an easy predicament to get into.  I can think of Responsibility, Self-Assurance, Achiever, Activator and Competition, just to name a few.  On the flip side, some talents won’t get to learn from situational application, as they may be far too hesitant to take the risk.  Think of Deliberative, Intellection, Analytical or even Harmony as a couple of examples.

The point is: choose your scenarios carefully.  Sometimes risk, sometimes don’t.  You always have a choice – even if the situation was not your choice. Play to your strengths within the situation. Apply your talents with wisdom.

As my good friend and mentor DeAnna Murphy (www.unlockingstrengths.com)  taught me, you need to be confident in your strengths, but vulnerable in your weaknesses. Strengths built confidence. Weaknesses identifies vulnerability.  The ultimate Strengths-based life or career is one of confident-vulnerability.  I found that the "Four S" approach is a practical way to accomplish this, or to guide others.

Try it.


Dries Lombaard is the co-owner of Strategic Leadership Institute and NeuWorx, and has more than 7000 hours of Strengths Coaching experience over the last decade.  He is leading a vibrant and growing network of Strengths Coaches in Southern Africa, and works with corporate and multinational leadership and management teams and C-level leaders as a Strengths Coach and training facilitator.  




11 April 2015

Managing Oneself {Guest Article by Peter Drucker}

By Peter F. Drucker

(This is a long article, but worth the read!!)

(Published in the January 2015 issue of the Harvard Business Review and regarded as a HBR Classic.)



We live in an age of unprecedented opportunity: If you’ve got ambition and smarts, you can rise to the top of your chosen profession, regardless of where you started out.
But with opportunity comes responsibility. Companies today aren’t managing their employees’ careers; knowledge workers must, effectively, be their own chief executive officers. It’s up to you to carve out your place, to know when to change course, and to keep yourself engaged and productive during a work life that may span some 50 years. To do those things well, you’ll need to cultivate a deep understanding of yourself—not only what your strengths and weaknesses are but also how you learn, how you work with others, what your values are, and where you can make the greatest contribution. Because only when you operate from strengths can you achieve true excellence.

History’s great achievers—a Napoléon, a da Vinci, a Mozart—have always managed themselves. That, in large measure, is what makes them great achievers. But they are rare exceptions, so unusual both in their talents and their accomplishments as to be considered outside the boundaries of ordinary human existence. Now, most of us, even those of us with modest endowments, will have to learn to manage ourselves. We will have to learn to develop ourselves. We will have to place ourselves where we can make the greatest contribution. And we will have to stay mentally alert and engaged during a 50-year working life, which means knowing how and when to change the work we do.

What Are My Strengths?

Most people think they know what they are good at. They are usually wrong. More often, people know what they are not good at—and even then more people are wrong than right. And yet, a person can perform only from strength. One cannot build performance on weaknesses, let alone on something one cannot do at all.
Throughout history, people had little need to know their strengths. A person was born into a position and a line of work: The peasant’s son would also be a peasant; the artisan’s daughter, an artisan’s wife; and so on. But now people have choices. We need to know our strengths in order to know where we belong.
The only way to discover your strengths is through feedback analysis. Whenever you make a key decision or take a key action, write down what you expect will happen. Nine or 12 months later, compare the actual results with your expectations. I have been practicing this method for 15 to 20 years now, and every time I do it, I am surprised. The feedback analysis showed me, for instance—and to my great surprise—that I have an intuitive understanding of technical people, whether they are engineers or accountants or market researchers. It also showed me that I don’t really resonate with generalists.
Feedback analysis is by no means new. It was invented sometime in the fourteenth century by an otherwise totally obscure German theologian and picked up quite independently, some 150 years later, by John Calvin and Ignatius of Loyola, each of whom incorporated it into the practice of his followers. In fact, the steadfast focus on performance and results that this habit produces explains why the institutions these two men founded, the Calvinist church and the Jesuit order, came to dominate Europe within 30 years.
Practiced consistently, this simple method will show you within a fairly short period of time, maybe two or three years, where your strengths lie—and this is the most important thing to know. The method will show you what you are doing or failing to do that deprives you of the full benefits of your strengths. It will show you where you are not particularly competent. And finally, it will show you where you have no strengths and cannot perform.
Several implications for action follow from feedback analysis. First and foremost, concentrate on your strengths. Put yourself where your strengths can produce results.
Second, work on improving your strengths. Analysis will rapidly show where you need to improve skills or acquire new ones. It will also show the gaps in your knowledge—and those can usually be filled. Mathematicians are born, but everyone can learn trigonometry.
Third, discover where your intellectual arrogance is causing disabling ignorance and overcome it. Far too many people—especially people with great expertise in one area—are contemptuous of knowledge in other areas or believe that being bright is a substitute for knowledge. First-rate engineers, for instance, tend to take pride in not knowing anything about people. Human beings, they believe, are much too disorderly for the good engineering mind. Human resources professionals, by contrast, often pride themselves on their ignorance of elementary accounting or of quantitative methods altogether. But taking pride in such ignorance is self-defeating. Go to work on acquiring the skills and knowledge you need to fully realize your strengths.
It is equally essential to remedy your bad habits—the things you do or fail to do that inhibit your effectiveness and performance. Such habits will quickly show up in the feedback. For example, a planner may find that his beautiful plans fail because he does not follow through on them. Like so many brilliant people, he believes that ideas move mountains. But bulldozers move mountains; ideas show where the bulldozers should go to work. This planner will have to learn that the work does not stop when the plan is completed. He must find people to carry out the plan and explain it to them. He must adapt and change it as he puts it into action. And finally, he must decide when to stop pushing the plan.
At the same time, feedback will also reveal when the problem is a lack of manners. Manners are the lubricating oil of an organization. It is a law of nature that two moving bodies in contact with each other create friction. This is as true for human beings as it is for inanimate objects. Manners—simple things like saying “please” and “thank you” and knowing a person’s name or asking after her family—enable two people to work together whether they like each other or not. Bright people, especially bright young people, often do not understand this. If analysis shows that someone’s brilliant work fails again and again as soon as cooperation from others is required, it probably indicates a lack of courtesy—that is, a lack of manners.
Comparing your expectations with your results also indicates what not to do. We all have a vast number of areas in which we have no talent or skill and little chance of becoming even mediocre. In those areas a person—and especially a knowledge worker—should not take on work, jobs, and assignments. One should waste as little effort as possible on improving areas of low competence. It takes far more energy and work to improve from incompetence to mediocrity than it takes to improve from first-rate performance to excellence. And yet most people—especially most teachers and most organizations—concentrate on making incompetent performers into mediocre ones. Energy, resources, and time should go instead to making a competent person into a star performer.
"It takes far more energy to improve from incompetence to mediocrity than to improve from first-rate performance to excellence."

How Do I Perform?

Amazingly few people know how they get things done. Indeed, most of us do not even know that different people work and perform differently. Too many people work in ways that are not their ways, and that almost guarantees nonperformance. For knowledge workers, How do I perform? may be an even more important question than What are my strengths?
Like one’s strengths, how one performs is unique. It is a matter of personality. Whether personality be a matter of nature or nurture, it surely is formed long before a person goes to work. And how a person performs is a given, just as what a person is good at or not good at is a given. A person’s way of performing can be slightly modified, but it is unlikely to be completely changed—and certainly not easily. Just as people achieve results by doing what they are good at, they also achieve results by working in ways that they best perform. A few common personality traits usually determine how a person performs.

Am I a reader or a listener?

The first thing to know is whether you are a reader or a listener. Far too few people even know that there are readers and listeners and that people are rarely both. Even fewer know which of the two they themselves are. But some examples will show how damaging such ignorance can be.
When Dwight Eisenhower was Supreme Commander of the Allied forces in Europe, he was the darling of the press. His press conferences were famous for their style—General Eisenhower showed total command of whatever question he was asked, and he was able to describe a situation and explain a policy in two or three beautifully polished and elegant sentences. Ten years later, the same journalists who had been his admirers held President Eisenhower in open contempt. He never addressed the questions, they complained, but rambled on endlessly about something else. And they constantly ridiculed him for butchering the King’s English in incoherent and ungrammatical answers.
Eisenhower apparently did not know that he was a reader, not a listener. When he was Supreme Commander in Europe, his aides made sure that every question from the press was presented in writing at least half an hour before a conference was to begin. And then Eisenhower was in total command. When he became president, he succeeded two listeners, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Harry Truman. Both men knew themselves to be listeners and both enjoyed free-for-all press conferences. Eisenhower may have felt that he had to do what his two predecessors had done. As a result, he never even heard the questions journalists asked. And Eisenhower is not even an extreme case of a nonlistener.
A few years later, Lyndon Johnson destroyed his presidency, in large measure, by not knowing that he was a listener. His predecessor, John Kennedy, was a reader who had assembled a brilliant group of writers as his assistants, making sure that they wrote to him before discussing their memos in person. Johnson kept these people on his staff—and they kept on writing. He never, apparently, understood one word of what they wrote. Yet as a senator, Johnson had been superb; for parliamentarians have to be, above all, listeners.
Few listeners can be made, or can make themselves, into competent readers—and vice versa. The listener who tries to be a reader will, therefore, suffer the fate of Lyndon Johnson, whereas the reader who tries to be a listener will suffer the fate of Dwight Eisenhower. 

They will not perform or achieve.

How do I learn?

The second thing to know about how one performs is to know how one learns. Many first-class writers—Winston Churchill is but one example—do poorly in school. They tend to remember their schooling as pure torture. Yet few of their classmates remember it the same way. They may not have enjoyed the school very much, but the worst they suffered was boredom. The explanation is that writers do not, as a rule, learn by listening and reading. They learn by writing. Because schools do not allow them to learn this way, they get poor grades.
Schools everywhere are organized on the assumption that there is only one right way to learn and that it is the same way for everybody. But to be forced to learn the way a school teaches is sheer hell for students who learn differently. Indeed, there are probably half a dozen different ways to learn.
There are people, like Churchill, who learn by writing. Some people learn by taking copious notes. Beethoven, for example, left behind an enormous number of sketchbooks, yet he said he never actually looked at them when he composed. Asked why he kept them, he is reported to have replied, “If I don’t write it down immediately, I forget it right away. If I put it into a sketchbook, I never forget it and I never have to look it up again.” Some people learn by doing. Others learn by hearing themselves talk.
A chief executive I know who converted a small and mediocre family business into the leading company in its industry was one of those people who learn by talking. He was in the habit of calling his entire senior staff into his office once a week and then talking at them for two or three hours. He would raise policy issues and argue three different positions on each one. He rarely asked his associates for comments or questions; he simply needed an audience to hear himself talk. That’s how he learned. And although he is a fairly extreme case, learning through talking is by no means an unusual method. Successful trial lawyers learn the same way, as do many medical diagnosticians (and so do I).

Of all the important pieces of self-knowledge, understanding how you learn is the easiest to acquire. When I ask people, “How do you learn?” most of them know the answer. But when I ask, “Do you act on this knowledge?” few answer yes. And yet, acting on this knowledge is the key to performance; or rather, not acting on this knowledge condemns one to nonperformance.
Am I a reader or a listener? and How do I learn? are the first questions to ask. But they are by no means the only ones. To manage yourself effectively, you also have to ask, Do I work well with people, or am I a loner? And if you do work well with people, you then must ask, In what relationship?
Some people work best as subordinates. General George Patton, the great American military hero of World War II, is a prime example. Patton was America’s top troop commander. Yet when he was proposed for an independent command, General George Marshall, the U.S. chief of staff—and probably the most successful picker of men in U.S. history—said, “Patton is the best subordinate the American army has ever produced, but he would be the worst commander.”
Some people work best as team members. Others work best alone. Some are exceptionally talented as coaches and mentors; others are simply incompetent as mentors.
Another crucial question is, Do I produce results as a decision maker or as an adviser? A great many people perform best as advisers but cannot take the burden and pressure of making the decision. A good many other people, by contrast, need an adviser to force themselves to think; then they can make decisions and act on them with speed, self-confidence, and courage.
This is a reason, by the way, that the number two person in an organization often fails when promoted to the number one position. The top spot requires a decision maker. Strong decision makers often put somebody they trust into the number two spot as their adviser—and in that position the person is outstanding. But in the number one spot, the same person fails. He or she knows what the decision should be but cannot accept the responsibility of actually making it.
Other important questions to ask include, Do I perform well under stress, or do I need a highly structured and predictable environment? Do I work best in a big organization or a small one? Few people work well in all kinds of environments. Again and again, I have seen people who were very successful in large organizations flounder miserably when they moved into smaller ones. And the reverse is equally true.
The conclusion bears repeating: Do not try to change yourself—you are unlikely to succeed. But work hard to improve the way you perform. And try not to take on work you cannot perform or will only perform poorly.
"Do not try to change yourself—you are unlikely to succeed. Work to improve the way you perform."

What Are My Values?

To be able to manage yourself, you finally have to ask, What are my values? This is not a question of ethics. With respect to ethics, the rules are the same for everybody, and the test is a simple one. I call it the “mirror test.”
In the early years of this century, the most highly respected diplomat of all the great powers was the German ambassador in London. He was clearly destined for great things—to become his country’s foreign minister, at least, if not its federal chancellor. Yet in 1906 he abruptly resigned rather than preside over a dinner given by the diplomatic corps for Edward VII. The king was a notorious womanizer and made it clear what kind of dinner he wanted. The ambassador is reported to have said, “I refuse to see a pimp in the mirror in the morning when I shave.”
That is the mirror test. Ethics requires that you ask yourself, What kind of person do I want to see in the mirror in the morning? What is ethical behavior in one kind of organization or situation is ethical behavior in another. But ethics is only part of a value system—especially of an organization’s value system.
To work in an organization whose value system is unacceptable or incompatible with one’s own condemns a person both to frustration and to nonperformance.
Consider the experience of a highly successful human resources executive whose company was acquired by a bigger organization. After the acquisition, she was promoted to do the kind of work she did best, which included selecting people for important positions. The executive deeply believed that a company should hire people for such positions from the outside only after exhausting all the inside possibilities. But her new company believed in first looking outside “to bring in fresh blood.” There is something to be said for both approaches—in my experience, the proper one is to do some of both. They are, however, fundamentally incompatible—not as policies but as values. They bespeak different views of the relationship between organizations and people; different views of the responsibility of an organization to its people and their development; and different views of a person’s most important contribution to an enterprise. After several years of frustration, the executive quit—at considerable financial loss. Her values and the values of the organization simply were not compatible.
Similarly, whether a pharmaceutical company tries to obtain results by making constant, small improvements or by achieving occasional, highly expensive, and risky “breakthroughs” is not primarily an economic question. The results of either strategy may be pretty much the same. At bottom, there is a conflict between a value system that sees the company’s contribution in terms of helping physicians do better what they already do and a value system that is oriented toward making scientific discoveries.
Whether a business should be run for short-term results or with a focus on the long term is likewise a question of values. Financial analysts believe that businesses can be run for both simultaneously. Successful businesspeople know better. To be sure, every company has to produce short-term results. But in any conflict between short-term results and long-term growth, each company will determine its own priority. This is not primarily a disagreement about economics. It is fundamentally a value conflict regarding the function of a business and the responsibility of management.
Value conflicts are not limited to business organizations. One of the fastest-growing pastoral churches in the United States measures success by the number of new parishioners. Its leadership believes that what matters is how many newcomers join the congregation. The Good Lord will then minister to their spiritual needs or at least to the needs of a sufficient percentage. Another pastoral, evangelical church believes that what matters is people’s spiritual growth. The church eases out newcomers who join but do not enter into its spiritual life.
Again, this is not a matter of numbers. At first glance, it appears that the second church grows more slowly. But it retains a far larger proportion of newcomers than the first one does. Its growth, in other words, is more solid. This is also not a theological problem, or only secondarily so. It is a problem about values. In a public debate, one pastor argued, “Unless you first come to church, you will never find the gate to the Kingdom of Heaven.”
“No,” answered the other. “Until you first look for the gate to the Kingdom of Heaven, you don’t belong in church.”
Organizations, like people, have values. To be effective in an organization, a person’s values must be compatible with the organization’s values. They do not need to be the same, but they must be close enough to coexist. Otherwise, the person will not only be frustrated but also will not produce results.
A person’s strengths and the way that person performs rarely conflict; the two are complementary. But there is sometimes a conflict between a person’s values and his or her strengths. What one does well—even very well and successfully—may not fit with one’s value system. In that case, the work may not appear to be worth devoting one’s life to (or even a substantial portion thereof).
What one does well—even very well and successfully—may not fit with one’s value system.
If I may, allow me to interject a personal note. Many years ago, I too had to decide between my values and what I was doing successfully. I was doing very well as a young investment banker in London in the mid-1930s, and the work clearly fit my strengths. Yet I did not see myself making a contribution as an asset manager. People, I realized, were what I valued, and I saw no point in being the richest man in the cemetery. I had no money and no other job prospects. Despite the continuing Depression, I quit—and it was the right thing to do. Values, in other words, are and should be the ultimate test.

Where Do I Belong?

A small number of people know very early where they belong. Mathematicians, musicians, and cooks, for instance, are usually mathematicians, musicians, and cooks by the time they are four or five years old. Physicians usually decide on their careers in their teens, if not earlier. But most people, especially highly gifted people, do not really know where they belong until they are well past their mid-twenties. By that time, however, they should know the answers to the three questions: What are my strengths? How do I perform? and, What are my values? And then they can and should decide where they belong.
Or rather, they should be able to decide where they do not belong. The person who has learned that he or she does not perform well in a big organization should have learned to say no to a position in one. The person who has learned that he or she is not a decision maker should have learned to say no to a decision-making assignment. A General Patton (who probably never learned this himself) should have learned to say no to an independent command.
Equally important, knowing the answer to these questions enables a person to say to an opportunity, an offer, or an assignment, “Yes, I will do that. But this is the way I should be doing it. This is the way it should be structured. This is the way the relationships should be. These are the kind of results you should expect from me, and in this time frame, because this is who I am.”
Successful careers are not planned. They develop when people are prepared for opportunities because they know their strengths, their method of work, and their values. Knowing where one belongs can transform an ordinary person—hardworking and competent but otherwise mediocre—into an outstanding performer.

What Should I Contribute?

Throughout history, the great majority of people never had to ask the question, What should I contribute? They were told what to contribute, and their tasks were dictated either by the work itself—as it was for the peasant or artisan—or by a master or a mistress—as it was for domestic servants. And until very recently, it was taken for granted that most people were subordinates who did as they were told. Even in the 1950s and 1960s, the new knowledge workers (the so-called organization men) looked to their company’s personnel department to plan their careers.
Then in the late 1960s, no one wanted to be told what to do any longer. Young men and women began to ask, What do I want to do? And what they heard was that the way to contribute was to “do your own thing.” But this solution was as wrong as the organization men’s had been. Very few of the people who believed that doing one’s own thing would lead to contribution, self-fulfillment, and success achieved any of the three.
But still, there is no return to the old answer of doing what you are told or assigned to do. Knowledge workers in particular have to learn to ask a question that has not been asked before: What should my contribution be? To answer it, they must address three distinct elements: What does the situation require? Given my strengths, my way of performing, and my values, how can I make the greatest contribution to what needs to be done? And finally, What results have to be achieved to make a difference?
Consider the experience of a newly appointed hospital administrator. The hospital was big and prestigious, but it had been coasting on its reputation for 30 years. The new administrator decided that his contribution should be to establish a standard of excellence in one important area within two years. He chose to focus on the emergency room, which was big, visible, and sloppy. He decided that every patient who came into the ER had to be seen by a qualified nurse within 60 seconds. Within 12 months, the hospital’s emergency room had become a model for all hospitals in the United States, and within another two years, the whole hospital had been transformed.
As this example suggests, it is rarely possible—or even particularly fruitful—to look too far ahead. A plan can usually cover no more than 18 months and still be reasonably clear and specific. So the question in most cases should be, Where and how can I achieve results that will make a difference within the next year and a half? The answer must balance several things. First, the results should be hard to achieve—they should require “stretching,” to use the current buzzword. But also, they should be within reach. To aim at results that cannot be achieved—or that can be only under the most unlikely circumstances—is not being ambitious; it is being foolish. Second, the results should be meaningful. They should make a difference. Finally, results should be visible and, if at all possible, measurable. From this will come a course of action: what to do, where and how to start, and what goals and deadlines to set.

Responsibility for Relationships

Very few people work by themselves and achieve results by themselves—a few great artists, a few great scientists, a few great athletes. Most people work with others and are effective with other people. That is true whether they are members of an organization or independently employed. Managing yourself requires taking responsibility for relationships. 

This has two parts.
The first is to accept the fact that other people are as much individuals as you yourself are. They perversely insist on behaving like human beings. This means that they too have their strengths; they too have their ways of getting things done; they too have their values. To be effective, therefore, you have to know the strengths, the performance modes, and the values of your coworkers.
That sounds obvious, but few people pay attention to it. Typical is the person who was trained to write reports in his or her first assignment because that boss was a reader. Even if the next boss is a listener, the person goes on writing reports that, invariably, produce no results. Invariably the boss will think the employee is stupid, incompetent, and lazy, and he or she will fail. But that could have been avoided if the employee had only looked at the new boss and analyzed how this boss performs.
Bosses are neither a title on the organization chart nor a “function.” They are individuals and are entitled to do their work in the way they do it best. It is incumbent on the people who work with them to observe them, to find out how they work, and to adapt themselves to what makes their bosses most effective. This, in fact, is the secret of “managing” the boss.
The same holds true for all your coworkers. Each works his or her way, not your way. And each is entitled to work in his or her way. What matters is whether they perform and what their values are. As for how they perform—each is likely to do it differently. The first secret of effectiveness is to understand the people you work with and depend on so that you can make use of their strengths, their ways of working, and their values. Working relationships are as much based on the people as they are on the work.
The first secret of effectiveness is to understand the people you work with so that you can make use of their strengths.

The second part of relationship responsibility is taking responsibility for communication. Whenever I, or any other consultant, start to work with an organization, the first thing I hear about are all the personality conflicts. Most of these arise from the fact that people do not know what other people are doing and how they do their work, or what contribution the other people are concentrating on and what results they expect. And the reason they do not know is that they have not asked and therefore have not been told.
This failure to ask reflects human stupidity less than it reflects human history. Until recently, it was unnecessary to tell any of these things to anybody. In the medieval city, everyone in a district plied the same trade. In the countryside, everyone in a valley planted the same crop as soon as the frost was out of the ground. Even those few people who did things that were not “common” worked alone, so they did not have to tell anyone what they were doing.
Today the great majority of people work with others who have different tasks and responsibilities. The marketing vice president may have come out of sales and know everything about sales, but she knows nothing about the things she has never done—pricing, advertising, packaging, and the like. So the people who do these things must make sure that the marketing vice president understands what they are trying to do, why they are trying to do it, how they are going to do it, and what results to expect.
If the marketing vice president does not understand what these high-grade knowledge specialists are doing, it is primarily their fault, not hers. They have not educated her. Conversely, it is the marketing vice president’s responsibility to make sure that all of her coworkers understand how she looks at marketing: what her goals are, how she works, and what she expects of herself and of each one of them.
Even people who understand the importance of taking responsibility for relationships often do not communicate sufficiently with their associates. They are afraid of being thought presumptuous or inquisitive or stupid. They are wrong. Whenever someone goes to his or her associates and says, “This is what I am good at. This is how I work. These are my values. This is the contribution I plan to concentrate on and the results I should be expected to deliver,” the response is always, “This is most helpful. But why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
And one gets the same reaction—without exception, in my experience—if one continues by asking, “And what do I need to know about your strengths, how you perform, your values, and your proposed contribution?” In fact, knowledge workers should request this of everyone with whom they work, whether as subordinate, superior, colleague, or team member. And again, whenever this is done, the reaction is always, “Thanks for asking me. But why didn’t you ask me earlier?”
Organizations are no longer built on force but on trust. The existence of trust between people does not necessarily mean that they like one another. It means that they understand one another. Taking responsibility for relationships is therefore an absolute necessity. It is a duty. Whether one is a member of the organization, a consultant to it, a supplier, or a distributor, one owes that responsibility to all one’s coworkers: those whose work one depends on as well as those who depend on one’s own work.

The Second Half of Your Life

When work for most people meant manual labor, there was no need to worry about the second half of your life. You simply kept on doing what you had always done. And if you were lucky enough to survive 40 years of hard work in the mill or on the railroad, you were quite happy to spend the rest of your life doing nothing. Today, however, most work is knowledge work, and knowledge workers are not “finished” after 40 years on the job, they are merely bored.
We hear a great deal of talk about the midlife crisis of the executive. It is mostly boredom. At 45, most executives have reached the peak of their business careers, and they know it. After 20 years of doing very much the same kind of work, they are very good at their jobs. But they are not learning or contributing or deriving challenge and satisfaction from the job. And yet they are still likely to face another 20 if not 25 years of work. That is why managing oneself increasingly leads one to begin a second career.
There are three ways to develop a second career. The first is actually to start one. Often this takes nothing more than moving from one kind of organization to another: the divisional controller in a large corporation, for instance, becomes the controller of a medium-sized hospital. But there are also growing numbers of people who move into different lines of work altogether: the business executive or government official who enters the ministry at 45, for instance; or the midlevel manager who leaves corporate life after 20 years to attend law school and become a small-town attorney.
We will see many more second careers undertaken by people who have achieved modest success in their first jobs. Such people have substantial skills, and they know how to work. They need a community—the house is empty with the children gone—and they need income as well. But above all, they need challenge.
The second way to prepare for the second half of your life is to develop a parallel career. Many people who are very successful in their first careers stay in the work they have been doing, either on a full-time or part-time or consulting basis. But in addition, they create a parallel job, usually in a nonprofit organization, that takes another ten hours of work a week. They might take over the administration of their church, for instance, or the presidency of the local Girl Scouts council. They might run the battered women’s shelter, work as a children’s librarian for the local public library, sit on the school board, and so on.
Finally, there are the social entrepreneurs. These are usually people who have been very successful in their first careers. They love their work, but it no longer challenges them. In many cases they keep on doing what they have been doing all along but spend less and less of their time on it. They also start another activity, usually a nonprofit. My friend Bob Buford, for example, built a very successful television company that he still runs. But he has also founded and built a successful nonprofit organization that works with Protestant churches, and he is building another to teach social entrepreneurs how to manage their own nonprofit ventures while still running their original businesses.
People who manage the second half of their lives may always be a minority. The majority may “retire on the job” and count the years until their actual retirement. But it is this minority, the men and women who see a long working-life expectancy as an opportunity both for themselves and for society, who will become leaders and models.
There is one prerequisite for managing the second half of your life: You must begin long before you enter it. When it first became clear 30 years ago that working-life expectancies were lengthening very fast, many observers (including myself) believed that retired people would increasingly become volunteers for nonprofit institutions. That has not happened. If one does not begin to volunteer before one is 40 or so, one will not volunteer once past 60.
There is one prerequisite for managing the second half of your life: You must begin doing so long before you enter it.

Similarly, all the social entrepreneurs I know began to work in their chosen second enterprise long before they reached their peak in their original business. Consider the example of a successful lawyer, the legal counsel to a large corporation, who has started a venture to establish model schools in his state. He began to do volunteer legal work for the schools when he was around 35. He was elected to the school board at age 40. At age 50, when he had amassed a fortune, he started his own enterprise to build and to run model schools. He is, however, still working nearly full-time as the lead counsel in the company he helped found as a young lawyer.
There is another reason to develop a second major interest, and to develop it early. No one can expect to live very long without experiencing a serious setback in his or her life or work. There is the competent engineer who is passed over for promotion at age 45. There is the competent college professor who realizes at age 42 that she will never get a professorship at a big university, even though she may be fully qualified for it. There are tragedies in one’s family life: the breakup of one’s marriage or the loss of a child. At such times, a second major interest—not just a hobby—may make all the difference. The engineer, for example, now knows that he has not been very successful in his job. But in his outside activity—as church treasurer, for example—he is a success. One’s family may break up, but in that outside activity there is still a community.
In a society in which success has become so terribly important, having options will become increasingly vital. Historically, there was no such thing as “success.” The overwhelming majority of people did not expect anything but to stay in their “proper station,” as an old English prayer has it. The only mobility was downward mobility.
In a knowledge society, however, we expect everyone to be a success. This is clearly an impossibility. For a great many people, there is at best an absence of failure. Wherever there is success, there has to be failure. And then it is vitally important for the individual, and equally for the individual’s family, to have an area in which he or she can contribute, make a difference, and be somebody. That means finding a second area—whether in a second career, a parallel career, or a social venture—that offers an opportunity for being a leader, for being respected, for being a success.
The challenges of managing oneself may seem obvious, if not elementary. And the answers may seem self-evident to the point of appearing naïve. But managing oneself requires new and unprecedented things from the individual, and especially from the knowledge worker. In effect, managing oneself demands that each knowledge worker think and behave like a chief executive officer. Further, the shift from manual workers who do as they are told to knowledge workers who have to manage themselves profoundly challenges social structure. Every existing society, even the most individualistic one, takes two things for granted, if only subconsciously: that organizations outlive workers, and that most people stay put.
But today the opposite is true. Knowledge workers outlive organizations, and they are mobile. The need to manage oneself is therefore creating a revolution in human affairs.

Peter Ferdinand Drucker (November 19, 1909 – November 11, 2005) was an Austrian-born American management consultanteducator, and author, whose writings contributed to the philosophical and practical foundations of the modern business corporation. He was also a leader in the development of management education, he invented the concept known as management by objectivesand he has been described as "the founder of modern management".