How your natural talents affect the way you engage in conflict: The Influencing Strengths

By Dries Lombaard; Director: Strategic Engagement - Strengths Institute South Africa

(This article is a follow-up on a previous post which you should read first as an introduction to the topic of "Conflict")


Continuing the topic of Conflict Management within ourselves and others, let us now take a look at the Influencing Strengths.  I intentionally use the image of American president Donald Trump with this article, as I have been studying him with interest for the past two years from a Strengths perspective.  As far as celebrities go, he is the very best example in my view of someone who thrives on a multitude of the Influencing themes coming very natural to him.  How he manages the specific energy and need from each of his talents is another topic for another day as he may not always be the best example of well managed Strengths, but we can learn a lot from the Influencing Strengths reacting and responding in conflict by observing President Trump - both positive and negative.  You may find it helpful (and maybe at times even amusing) to keep him in mind as you read this article.


Alignment between Influencing Talents and the Conflict Styles:

The Influencing Domain of talent expresses itself with a need for reaction and response from others, which will directly affect their engagement in conflict. 

Activator:  The talent of Activator has a strong need for response from the perspective of being impatient, wanting to see and create action and movement, and getting others going.  Its energy flows through inspiration and motivation, causing them to often and directly step in or even interrupt with the contribution of "Okay, so when do we start this?" or "Let's get going!"  This energy will also cause them to make decisions fast, sometimes too fast, and be a strong player in turning discussion, debate or strategies into action and practice. 

The Activator theme plays strongly towards the natural Conflict styles of Competition, Collaboration and even at times Compromise - as long as they get action and movement from the outcome.  They are not hesitant to confront others in doing this.

How best to approach them in conflict:  Collaborate, Compromise or Compete.  

Command:  The "Jedi Knight" of probably all the talent themes when it comes to conflict and confrontation - simply because they get energized by conflict.  Command people are comfortable with confrontation and very seldom takes it personal.  They have the ability to separate the "personal" or "emotional" from the "cause" and be direct, clinical and extremely confrontational in their approach.  They need to be in control or in charge, and confronting issues head on gives them energy to achieve exactly that:  control and command. 

Command people are strongly energized by the Conflict styles of Competition mostly, although they will Collaborate to get their way.. 

How to best approach them in conflict:  Compete or Collaborate.

Communication:  The theme of Communication has an immense need to get reaction and response from others through communicating to them in some form.  Mostly verbal, they often love to talk and interact by sharing their thoughts and ideas openly.  They are often seen as "verbal thinkers", processing their thoughts out loud.  But Communicators are not necessarily verbal - they may also influence through other mediums like art, music, photography or writing.

When engaging in conflict they would lean towards a lot of discussion and talking. Their talking may or may not make sense or be to the point - the point is that they need to interact through communication strongly.

People with this talent strong will prefer to Collaborate and Accommodate mostly.

How to best approach them in conflict:  Collaborate, Accommodate or even (verbally) Compete.

Competition:  They need to win - and measure or compare that they actually are winning.  The winning mindset is what drives them, but with that they have the strong need to compare their performance against their competitors or rivals.  Although many other talents are also competitive in nature (like Achiever), Competition is driven by a strong emotion that hates losing and loves winning.  And to them, 2nd place is losing.
When in conflict they would obviously be strongly driven by the Competition style more than any other.  They would manoeuvre, strategize and push back in conflict until they feel that they have obtained a winning position.

How to best approach them in conflict:  Compete or Collaborate.

Maximizer:  Maximizers love to make a strong and immediate impact wherever they get involved.  They have a need to engage with, and work with others who show the best potential and they have a natural Strengths-based approach.  They need to take things from already good to great - and do it fast and with excellence.  
When it comes to conflict, Maximizers will have a natural tendency - just like when they engage in projects or with people - to "choose their battles" carefully.  They do not like to waste time or energy on trivial things or things that will not change the impact or result.  Therefor you may experience Maximizers as sometimes engaging with conflict very assertively, while at times even simply avoiding it.  It depends on their sense of importance or impact it will have.  Their natural tendency will be to engage with Accommodation, Collaboration or Competition - depending on the situation. If needed they will even be comfortable to Compromise or even Avoid.

How to best approach them in conflict:  Accommodate, Collaborate.

Self Assurance:   The "I'll go it alone" theme.  Full of confidence in their own ability they will go ahead and follow their own direction with certainty.  Contrasting strongly with the Deliberative theme they are risk taking and will not be interested to look at potential risks or pitfalls first, but rather go ahead with their plans, because they can.  
Engaging conflict for them is a matter of "my way or the highway" in many cases, very much like Command.  But they are not confrontational in nature, much rather just prone to do it their own way.  The Competition style works well for them.  The "my way" tendency will at times even avoid conflict and just do their own thing.

How best to approach them in conflict:  Compete, Accommodate or Collaborate.  

Significance:  If you really want to understand this theme, just think of Donald Trump, for both the well- and mismanaged tendencies.  This theme is all about a brand, about being rewarded and being in the spotlight.  They love to be seen as significant or important, and surround themselves with significant people, brands, projects and ideas - even if controversial.  They need to leave their mark and in the longer term leave a legacy.  Well managed Significant talent will make people, projects or planning around them more significant.
Their style in conflict would therefor also tend to play towards their significance or importance, like their position, authority or rank.  In some instances this works well to make them strong in conflict by taking the significant lead and making needed, even if controversial, decisions.  The Competition style works well for them but they will easily Collaborate or even Accommodate as long as it is with significant people or organizations.

How to best approach them in conflict:  Collaborate, Accommodate or at times even Compete.


Woo:  The need to "win others over" is the driving energy behind this talent theme.  They may use charm, discussion, facts or many other preferred ways to do this.  Mostly outgoing and social, they love to interact and convince others towards their products, convictions or arguments.  This does not mean that they are confrontational - actually very seldom.  They mostly have a tendency to be liked and accepted by others.  But they do love the interaction with people in order to win them over.
The are very comfortable with the conflict styles of Collaboration, Accommodation and at times even Competition, as long as they can get their way in the end without offending others, and keeping the relationship open for another day.

How best to approach them in conflict:  Collaborate, Accommodate and at times, yes, even Compromise.




In a next post I will unpack the Relational talents, and their approach towards conflict. Experienced as the "softer" themes, they are very often brilliant in managing conflict!



Dries Lombaard is the co-owner of Strengths Institute South Africa, and has more than 7000 hours of Strengths Coaching experience over the last decade.  He is leading a vibrant and growing network of Strengths Coaches in Southern Africa, and works with corporate and multinational leadership and management teams and C-level leaders as a Strengths Coach and training facilitator. 

How talented are you to manage conflict? You may be surprised...

By Dries Lombaard; Director: Strategic Engagement - Strengths Institute South Africa


Conflict. As much a part of life as breathing.

Conflict is not a popular subject for many.  It is seen as destructive many times, although it may actually be one of the most productive allies you have.  (Read about it in a blog post I wrote.)   

It all depends on the "HOW".  The style and skill in which you engage with conflict will make all the difference in the world.

There are five well know conflict managing styles.  They are:

• Avoiding,
• Accommodating,
• Compromising,
• Collaborating and
• Competing.

You probably chose one of the above as your style the moment that you read it.  Or, you saw a face of someone that personalise one of the styles for you.

Which one of these styles are the best way to approach conflict?

That all depends on the situation.  Conflict is always extremely contextual. Therefor each of the five different styles of conflict management will have results and benefit within a specific context.  The same applies for using it in the wrong context: you can then expect results that may have no effect, or even make things a lot worse.

You should be able to determine two levels of energy before you engage into conflict.  The level of Cooperation, and the level of Competitiveness.  The degree in which each of these two levels combine, is an indicator to which style will fit best in the context.

Have a look at the graph below to see it illustrated.

As you can see above, the level of cooperation and competitiveness is key to understanding where the specific style fits in best.

• Low on both cooperation and competitiveness, and you may just as well avoid the conflict, as there are no interest or energy involved in any case.  
• High on cooperation but low on competitiveness, and you know that there will be room for accommodating differences.
• Average levels of cooperation and competitiveness means compromise may well be needed, and that style will achieve success.
• High on competitiveness but low on cooperation, and a competitive style will take the lead and win the argument.
• High on both cooperation and competitiveness - collaboration is the key to resolving the issue at hand.

Projecting your style - judging the other style

Humans are natural projectors.  We cannot help it.  It comes completely natural to us simply because we view the world through our natural lens of unique "wiring".  This fact was researched and studied in psychology, neurology, philosophy, theology and many other human sciences.  We do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.
When it comes to conflict and interaction between people we cannot help but project our own emotions, thoughts, beliefs, values and experience onto the situation we find ourselves in.  Maybe a better word than "projection" would be "perspective".  You argue from your own perspective - or at least from a perspective we adopted from someone or something else.

There is not a problem with projecting or arguing your perspective - on the contrary, this is what makes each one of us unique. The problem comes in when we cannot understand, accommodate or respect the projection and perspective of someone else and the, unfortunately, we often make the error of judging someone unfairly or incorrectly.  Judgment is not the same as discernment.  Judgment is final. Judgment means the end of the argument has been reach.  In a court of law judgment follows the closing arguments.  In the very same manner, if we judge unfairly and prematurely based on solely our own projection and perspective, we fall in the trap of shutting down the creative process of a conflict situation.

The problem with judgment is that it effectively ends any argument - even if only in your own mind - and even though we may continue the discussion or even pretend to still be listening and engaging, our mind has been made up.  We judged.

When it comes to managing conflict we should be very aware of our natural tendency to project from the essence of our own style, and judge a different or opposing style.  It is actually a natural defence mechanism.  We want to protect our own secure perspective.  But it also limits us from learning and growing - and often reaching a best solution....or even from building a truly great relationship based on respect and understanding.  This is probably the one most detrimental aspect when it comes to bad conflict management.

How not to judge

Actually there is nothing wrong with judging.  It is judging from the wrong perspective, or judging prematurely that causes detriment in relations, situations and interactions.  So a better statement should probably be "How not to judge prematurely or falsely".

Our attempt should not be directed towards not judging but towards when and why we choose to judge in a specific manner.

In attempting this, one of the most powerful tools we have, is self awareness.  Being aware of where our own emotions, intentions and perceptions originate and the behaviour it creates.  Being aware of our natural Style of Conflict that we will default towards - Accommodating, Collaborating, Compromising, Avoiding or Competing.

My first advice on this is that you spend some time thinking about the five styles, and through honest introspection choose your most natural one or two styles that you would act out in a conflict situation.  You may find that your reaction within a specific style could be determined by the context and situation, which is a good sign of self awareness and a mature approach within conflict.  Sometimes avoiding a situation is the wisest move, but at other times you may absolutely need to compete.

I will soon write a follow-up blog post on which of the 34 StrengthsFinder Talent Themes most naturally prefer a specific conflict style.  This will be even more helpful to you in both self awareness and in growing within your ability to manage conflict wisely.


Dries Lombaard is the co-owner of Strengths Institute South Africa, and has more than 7000 hours of Strengths Coaching experience over the last decade.  He is leading a vibrant and growing network of Strengths Coaches in Southern Africa, and works with corporate and multinational leadership and management teams and C-level leaders as a Strengths Coach and training facilitator. 

Managing your Talents [3] - Competition

According to Gallup, the essence of the talent theme of Competition is the following:

“Competition is rooted in comparison. When you look at the world, you are instinctively aware of other people’s performance. Their performance is the ultimate yardstick. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how worthy your intentions, if you reached your goal but did not outperform your peers, the achievement feels hollow. Like all competitors, you need other people. You need to compare. If you can compare, you can compete, and if you can compete, you can win. And when you win, there is no feeling quite like it. You like measurement because it facilitates comparisons. You like other competitors because they invigorate you. You like contests because they must produce a winner. You particularly like contests where you know you have the inside track to be the winner. Although you are gracious to your fellow competitors and even stoic in defeat, you don’t compete for the fun of competing. You compete to win. Over time you will come to avoid contests where winning seems unlikely."

But a talent on itself is quite meaningless unless you develop and manage it. That is why we believe that "a well managed talent becomes a strength, but a mismanaged talent becomes a detriment".

How do you manage the talent of Competition?

When you are strongly competitive in nature, you don't have to be intentional about competing and measuring against others.  It comes natural. You compete. You compare. You strive to win and be the best.

This means you have to manage your competitive nature well, because not everyone else is focused on winning and comparison. So, the first important aspect of managing your Competition talent: be aware that often you may be the only one involved in a competition.Very often you might be frustrated when other do not take up the challenge to compete.  You might find that they do not nearly care as much as you do if they win or lose.  And that is not wrong, or weak.  It is simply different.  You need to respect that difference and at the same time sometimes "contain" your desire to compete.

How?

Once you are aware of the fact that your competetiveness is actually a talent or a strength, and not something everyone does or should posess, the management of it will become easier.  So, awareness of the nature of the talent is important.  You should see your competitive nature as an intrinsic motivation and energy-source - but not project it on others, expecting them to be / act / feel the same towards winning.

A second  characteristic of Competition that should be managed well, is the absolute need to be the best, and - if you think it not to be possible, you lose the will to compete at all.  Winning and being number 1 is a good thing.  It creates champions, heroes and idols. It spurs others to compete and perform above their standards. But (and I know every natural competitor will cringe at my statement), winning is not everything. You cannot always win, or be the best. There is a definite difference between actually winning and striving full out to win. And very often in life, it is the latter that is needed more.

How?

 Try to differentiate actually winning or being the best from who you really are.  If you let winning define everything about yourself, you will end up not being all you can be. Turn the energy you've got in striving to win into a positive emotional experience both for yourself and for others.  An immature Competition Talent that is not well managed can cause a lot of friction and simply make people dislike you.  BUT:  seek out other competitors to really test yourself against.  that will push your limits.

Are you a Competitor by nature?  Do you get emotional if you win or lose?  Reply by commenting on your take...

- by Dries Lombaard, founder and owner of Africanmosaic and TALENTmosaic Global.

Important note when reading this:  in this series, I simply focus on the specific talent in isolation.  I do not take the crucial element of Talent Dynamics (two or more talent themes combining) into consideration.  This  is very important as any Coach should take that into consideration when coaching people in their talents. But you need to understand the challenges that the talent theme on its own might hold.  Therefor the challenges in managing the talent as explained below might not be applicable to everyone, as the dynamics with some of their other talent themes might override the specific challenge and "make up for it".  But, knowledge of the most common management challenges in every talent theme still is crucial in talent development and when turning the talent into a strength.

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www.africanmosaic.com and www.talentmosaic.net