Understanding "Weakness" from a Strengths Coaching perspective

by Dries Lombaard


"Embrace your Weaknesses"

I love to see the expression on peoples faces when I make the above statement.  It is a foreign concept to most.  It is as if we have been conditioned to be ashamed of our natural weaknesses.  
To hide it, hate it, or ignore it.

Or then, in an effort not to have weakness, to spend as much energy as possible on it to try and fix it, improve it and erase it.

Unfortunately none of the above strategies have the results you hope for.  Your weaknesses are a reality just like your strengths.  No person is without it. 

It is essential to understand the meaning of Weakness just like we explained the meaning of Strength in Part 1 of this Blog. So let's unpack some of it's characteristics.

1. Weakness is a severe lack of energy

• The biggest misconception out there, is that weakness and lack of skill is the same thing.  Not so.  You can be the most skilled person in the room, and still be building on a weakness.  How do you know?  Skill won't energise you.  Talent does.  When you add knowledge, skill and experience to natural talent, you have a strength.
• It is important to keep in mind that weakness is not lack of ability.  Weakness is the lack of sustainability.  You may operate pretty well in some of your weaknesses, especially if you rely on skill to do so.  But be very sure:  it is not sustainable.  Just like playing a shot from the bunker in golf, you can play a brilliant shot. But should I ask you to play it again, and again....you will probably find it more and more difficult to repeat your success from relying on your skill alone.  
• In the same way as we are wired with sustainable energy within certain areas of talent, we have a lack of energy for other areas.  This reality cause us to feel weak, drained or demotivated when we have to engage with specific thoughts, emotions or behaviours.  

2. Weakness cause resistance

• Weakness is not alone a lack of energy towards specific thoughts, emotions or behaviour.  It is is actual resistance towards it. You will - consciously or sub-consciously - resist certain ways of doing things, certain patterns of thinking or certain emotional expressions or interactions.  That in itself is normal, and just as part of who you are as your energy and needs allow you to be.

3. You should manage your weaknesses and your exposure to them

• Sometimes I explain the effect of your Non Patterns (weaknesses) have on you by comparing it to the effect Kryptonite has on Superman. It steals his super-powers.  It makes him feel weak.  Eventually it has the ability to kill him.  Now, operating within your weaknesses won't kill you like Kryptonite does Superman!  But it will have a very specific negative effect on you if you are consistently exposed to it. A draining, weakening effect.  
• Because of this you need to do the same to your weaknesses as you would do with the bunkers on a golf course.  Avoid them.  Play around them, or over them.  Intentionally try as hard as you can to not having to rely on your natural weaknesses.  This is exactly why you should know what your natural weaknesses are, and how they manifest in different areas or situations of you life.  If you know that, you know what to avoid.
• You cannot always avoid being in a specific situation, among specific people or faced with a specific challenge.  When life takes you places you do not prefer to go, you need to be able and skilled to handle the roads.  This is exactly why there is no such thing as "ignore your weaknesses".  You cannot ignore them.  You need to embrace them.  But, you should not invest more in them than the absolute minimum time and effort you need in order for it NOT to be a detriment to your Strengths. 
• An important part of you managing your weakness is being open to yourself and to others when it comes to the expectations and realities you - and they - will face when you are functioning within your Non Patterns, or your "weakness space" if I can call it that.  Do not try to hide your weaknesses.  Communicate them openly - not as an excuse but as a reality.  Simply make others aware that they will not get the same energy, results or performance from you when you play from your Non Patterns, as they will when you play from your Dominant Themes.  In most cases people wo live or work with you will in any case know that even better than you do, as they often observe how you struggle better than you think.  So, embracing your weaknesses means you stop hiding them or stop covering them up with excuses.  

4. Making up for your Weaknesses

• You should develop the knowledge and skill to make up for your natural weakness, as life will take you there if you choose to or not.  You cannot tell your boss "Sorry, I am not wired to hand in reports", or tell you friends "I am actually not naturally supportive at all."  Well, actually you can do it. But the result will be defining to your career and relationships - in a negative way.  As human beings we are able to acquire an amazing array of skills. Yes, you probably can do anything you want to in life - but as I often tell my children, the fact that you can does not mean that you should.  Choose the places where you invest your energy in carefully.  But when it comes to the draining effect of Weakness on us, obtaining the knowledge, skill and experience to at least "keep the vehicle on the road" is essential. We call that, in many cases, life skills.  These are the skills teenagers and young people lack - and you can observe it in the results of their actions and decisions.  
• When making up for weakness with skill you should understand that it is sometimes "soft skills" and other times "hard skills".  In order to understand and operate in my business I had to obtain the hard skills of using and understanding spreadsheets and budgets.  I hate every moment of working with it.  But obtaining the skills (even very basic) made all the difference in me managing it.  I also constantly have to obtain certain emotional skills in my life.  It does not come natural to me.  But, as I choose to manage my emotions I handle my weaknesses in that area with a lot more grace and efficiency. These weaknesses is not a detriment to me any longer, as I developed the skills to at the very least "keep the vehicle on the road during a storm." 
• Another way to make up for the draining effect of your weakness is to work in a team or partnership with someone who is strong where you are weak.  Somebody who loves the stuff you hate.  Who get energised by the exact things that drains the life out of you.  Actually, I find that in most life partnerships, we tend to gravitate towards a partner or spouse that is completely opposite than we are.  What a team!  But in business and other areas of life we need to be very intentional in doing exactly this.  Find out who sits up straight when your shoulders drop, who smile when you frown, who picks up speed when you slow down, who makes the call when you hesitate, who brings the intuition when you bring the facts, who finishes well if you start well....those are your true partners who will make the team work and win with you.  Study the best teams or best partnerships.  You will see how it is in their difference that they are strong.

5. The myth of "My Strength is my Weakness"

• Your natural Strengths will never be your weakness, simply because it will never weaken you.  It is your ability to manage the energy that comes with that talent that makes you experience it as a weakness.  But, it is actually a detriment. Just like the super power of a Super Hero character cause them detriment
• Yes, the result of an overused Strength can cause detriment.  But detriment is different than weakness.  Detriment can be changed into advantage. Weakness cannot be changed into Strength.  (Do not confuse talent and skill in this point!)
• What drains and weakens you, will always have that effect of you.  You can mitigate and manage the effect by adding knowledge and skill, and you should. But is stays a weakness - not sustainable and not a good investment of time and energy.  

"A well manage talent becomes a Strength. A miss managed talent becomes a detriment."   

So, the effect of your talent is determined by how you manage it.  If you don't manage the energy and need well, it will become an obstacle to yourself and others.  

Don't play towards your weaknesses. Avoid the bunkers.  

But when you do get stuck in them, do not be overwhelmed or paralysed.  Play to the situation as best you can.  Learn from every move.  

Then - get out of there as soon as you can.

The challenge of life is to play the whole field.  We have 34 Talent Themes. Some strong. Others weak.  But there is nothing we cannot do.

The right question is:  What should you be doing?

Dries Lombaard is the co-owner of Strategic Leadership Institute and NeuWorx, and has more than 7000 hours of Strengths Coaching experience over the last decade.  He is leading a vibrant and growing network of Strengths Coaches in Southern Africa, and works with corporate and multinational leadership and management teams and C-level leaders as a Strengths Coach and training facilitator.