Understanding "Weakness" from a Strengths Coaching perspective

by Dries Lombaard


"Embrace your Weaknesses"

I love to see the expression on peoples faces when I make the above statement.  It is a foreign concept to most.  It is as if we have been conditioned to be ashamed of our natural weaknesses.  
To hide it, hate it, or ignore it.

Or then, in an effort not to have weakness, to spend as much energy as possible on it to try and fix it, improve it and erase it.

Unfortunately none of the above strategies have the results you hope for.  Your weaknesses are a reality just like your strengths.  No person is without it. 

It is essential to understand the meaning of Weakness just like we explained the meaning of Strength in Part 1 of this Blog. So let's unpack some of it's characteristics.

1. Weakness is a severe lack of energy

• The biggest misconception out there, is that weakness and lack of skill is the same thing.  Not so.  You can be the most skilled person in the room, and still be building on a weakness.  How do you know?  Skill won't energise you.  Talent does.  When you add knowledge, skill and experience to natural talent, you have a strength.
• It is important to keep in mind that weakness is not lack of ability.  Weakness is the lack of sustainability.  You may operate pretty well in some of your weaknesses, especially if you rely on skill to do so.  But be very sure:  it is not sustainable.  Just like playing a shot from the bunker in golf, you can play a brilliant shot. But should I ask you to play it again, and again....you will probably find it more and more difficult to repeat your success from relying on your skill alone.  
• In the same way as we are wired with sustainable energy within certain areas of talent, we have a lack of energy for other areas.  This reality cause us to feel weak, drained or demotivated when we have to engage with specific thoughts, emotions or behaviours.  

2. Weakness cause resistance

• Weakness is not alone a lack of energy towards specific thoughts, emotions or behaviour.  It is is actual resistance towards it. You will - consciously or sub-consciously - resist certain ways of doing things, certain patterns of thinking or certain emotional expressions or interactions.  That in itself is normal, and just as part of who you are as your energy and needs allow you to be.

3. You should manage your weaknesses and your exposure to them

• Sometimes I explain the effect of your Non Patterns (weaknesses) have on you by comparing it to the effect Kryptonite has on Superman. It steals his super-powers.  It makes him feel weak.  Eventually it has the ability to kill him.  Now, operating within your weaknesses won't kill you like Kryptonite does Superman!  But it will have a very specific negative effect on you if you are consistently exposed to it. A draining, weakening effect.  
• Because of this you need to do the same to your weaknesses as you would do with the bunkers on a golf course.  Avoid them.  Play around them, or over them.  Intentionally try as hard as you can to not having to rely on your natural weaknesses.  This is exactly why you should know what your natural weaknesses are, and how they manifest in different areas or situations of you life.  If you know that, you know what to avoid.
• You cannot always avoid being in a specific situation, among specific people or faced with a specific challenge.  When life takes you places you do not prefer to go, you need to be able and skilled to handle the roads.  This is exactly why there is no such thing as "ignore your weaknesses".  You cannot ignore them.  You need to embrace them.  But, you should not invest more in them than the absolute minimum time and effort you need in order for it NOT to be a detriment to your Strengths. 
• An important part of you managing your weakness is being open to yourself and to others when it comes to the expectations and realities you - and they - will face when you are functioning within your Non Patterns, or your "weakness space" if I can call it that.  Do not try to hide your weaknesses.  Communicate them openly - not as an excuse but as a reality.  Simply make others aware that they will not get the same energy, results or performance from you when you play from your Non Patterns, as they will when you play from your Dominant Themes.  In most cases people wo live or work with you will in any case know that even better than you do, as they often observe how you struggle better than you think.  So, embracing your weaknesses means you stop hiding them or stop covering them up with excuses.  

4. Making up for your Weaknesses

• You should develop the knowledge and skill to make up for your natural weakness, as life will take you there if you choose to or not.  You cannot tell your boss "Sorry, I am not wired to hand in reports", or tell you friends "I am actually not naturally supportive at all."  Well, actually you can do it. But the result will be defining to your career and relationships - in a negative way.  As human beings we are able to acquire an amazing array of skills. Yes, you probably can do anything you want to in life - but as I often tell my children, the fact that you can does not mean that you should.  Choose the places where you invest your energy in carefully.  But when it comes to the draining effect of Weakness on us, obtaining the knowledge, skill and experience to at least "keep the vehicle on the road" is essential. We call that, in many cases, life skills.  These are the skills teenagers and young people lack - and you can observe it in the results of their actions and decisions.  
• When making up for weakness with skill you should understand that it is sometimes "soft skills" and other times "hard skills".  In order to understand and operate in my business I had to obtain the hard skills of using and understanding spreadsheets and budgets.  I hate every moment of working with it.  But obtaining the skills (even very basic) made all the difference in me managing it.  I also constantly have to obtain certain emotional skills in my life.  It does not come natural to me.  But, as I choose to manage my emotions I handle my weaknesses in that area with a lot more grace and efficiency. These weaknesses is not a detriment to me any longer, as I developed the skills to at the very least "keep the vehicle on the road during a storm." 
• Another way to make up for the draining effect of your weakness is to work in a team or partnership with someone who is strong where you are weak.  Somebody who loves the stuff you hate.  Who get energised by the exact things that drains the life out of you.  Actually, I find that in most life partnerships, we tend to gravitate towards a partner or spouse that is completely opposite than we are.  What a team!  But in business and other areas of life we need to be very intentional in doing exactly this.  Find out who sits up straight when your shoulders drop, who smile when you frown, who picks up speed when you slow down, who makes the call when you hesitate, who brings the intuition when you bring the facts, who finishes well if you start well....those are your true partners who will make the team work and win with you.  Study the best teams or best partnerships.  You will see how it is in their difference that they are strong.

5. The myth of "My Strength is my Weakness"

• Your natural Strengths will never be your weakness, simply because it will never weaken you.  It is your ability to manage the energy that comes with that talent that makes you experience it as a weakness.  But, it is actually a detriment. Just like the super power of a Super Hero character cause them detriment
• Yes, the result of an overused Strength can cause detriment.  But detriment is different than weakness.  Detriment can be changed into advantage. Weakness cannot be changed into Strength.  (Do not confuse talent and skill in this point!)
• What drains and weakens you, will always have that effect of you.  You can mitigate and manage the effect by adding knowledge and skill, and you should. But is stays a weakness - not sustainable and not a good investment of time and energy.  

"A well manage talent becomes a Strength. A miss managed talent becomes a detriment."   

So, the effect of your talent is determined by how you manage it.  If you don't manage the energy and need well, it will become an obstacle to yourself and others.  

Don't play towards your weaknesses. Avoid the bunkers.  

But when you do get stuck in them, do not be overwhelmed or paralysed.  Play to the situation as best you can.  Learn from every move.  

Then - get out of there as soon as you can.

The challenge of life is to play the whole field.  We have 34 Talent Themes. Some strong. Others weak.  But there is nothing we cannot do.

The right question is:  What should you be doing?

Dries Lombaard is the co-owner of Strategic Leadership Institute and NeuWorx, and has more than 7000 hours of Strengths Coaching experience over the last decade.  He is leading a vibrant and growing network of Strengths Coaches in Southern Africa, and works with corporate and multinational leadership and management teams and C-level leaders as a Strengths Coach and training facilitator.  

Understanding "Strength" from a Strengths Coaching perspective

By Dries Lombaard



"Focus on your Strengths".

You must have heard this often before.  Still, how many of us understand what it really means?

What do you reply when asked in a job interview to elaborate on your "Strengths" and "Weaknesses"?  

I can tell you what the most common answers are to this question:

"I am a hard worker."

"I am very reliable."

"I am good with people."

"I get things done."

Serious. That seems to be the depth of our general understanding of what strengthens us.

And when asked about weaknesses, we do not do much better:

"I am a perfectionist."

"I take on too much."

"I say what I think."

"I dream too big."

Oh my word....

Through my interaction with people during the past decade as a Strengths Consultant, and in more than 7000 hours of Strengths-interaction with individuals and teams, I realized that one huge mistake is to assume that people understand what "Strength" and "Weakness" really mean.

Most often, they understand a Strength to be either a virtue, or a skill.  

It is neither.

As for weakness, in almost all cases they understand a weakness to be the detriment they experience when their Strengths play too strong.

So, let me explain the meaning of Strength and Weakness, from a Strengths Coaching perspective.

1. Strengths align with natural Talent.

In order to understand where your true strength is located, you first have to understand your natural talent.  With talent I do not refer to physical talent like athleticism or being musical. I refer to the natural wiring you have within your emotional, intellectual and physical sustainability.  Still too vague?  OK, let me unpack it like this:

•   Talent is natural energy.

• Do you have the natural energy to spend time with people in an emotional setting?  That's a talent.
• Do you have the natural energy to spend time analyzing numbers, patterns or data?  That’s a talent.
• Do you have the natural energy to finish everything you start, no matter what the circumstance?  That's natural talent.
• Do you have the natural energy to come up with brand new ideas, to brainstorm and to be creative with your mind?  That's natural talent.
• Do you have the natural energy to confront challenges with vigor and with certainty?  That's natural talent.

•   Talent is natural need.

• Do you have the natural need to research, gather information, read and collect interesting stories or facts?  That's a natural talent.
• Do you have the natural need to spend time with people with potential, in order to develop them with small steps of progress and growth?  That's natural talent.
• Do you have the natural need to take risks, go it alone and do things that most people rather won't try?  That's natural talent.
• Do you have the natural need to be ordered, neat, structured and plan everything you do in detail before doing it?  That's natural talent.

•   Talent is not mere ability. Talent is sustainability.

• The fact that you can do something, even do it very well, is not a measure of talent.  That is an indication of skill. Talent is measured by your sustainable endurance to keep on engaging with aligned activities in an above average manner of performance and passion.

•   Talent do not "change" (get replaced) over time.

◦   From late puberty or early adulthood, talent is pretty much hard wired within each one of us. It was formed by both nature (our DNA) and nurture (our upbringing). Your values can change over time. Your interest can change. Your passion can change. Your ability can change. Your experience can change. Your knowledge can change. But your talents - the sustainable energy and need that feeds you from within and drives you in a specific direction of performance?  That is developed over time. Don't confuse a talent being developed with a talent being changed or replaced.

•   Talent can be clearly defined - just like knowledge or skill.

◦   The energy and need that you experience within your thought-patterns, your emotional patterns or your behavioral patterns, can be clearly defined and explained. It is not vague and mysterious,  Research over the past fourty to fifty years has contributed to a wealth of definition of human talent.

•   Talent can be measured - just like knowledge or skill.

◦   The Gallup Organization is a world leader in research and the collection of data and information.  You probably heard about them with the well known "Gallup Polls", relied upon during the American Presidential elections.  Gallup is also a leader in the research of human talent.  With the groundbreaking work started by the late Dr Donald Clifton (1924-2003) and continued to this day, Gallup developed an online assessment to measure the natural levels of your talents within a sequence of 34 defined Talent Themes, the Clifton StrengthsFinder. Ranking it from "strongest" to "weakest", it is probably the best tool available for personal awareness and development of natural talent into Strengths.  

2. Strengths must be developed - or they stagnate.

•   A well-managed talent becomes a strength. A mismanaged talent becomes a detriment.

◦   Once you understand the natural energy and need connected to your talents, you have the duty and the challenge to manage that specific energy and need well.  If you do, your energy and your need creates the sustainable fuel for you to reach new levels every day.  If you don't, that very same energy and need can become the detriment and boulder in your way towards performance and satisfaction.  This is exactly why people see some of their strongest energy - mismanaged - as a weakness, like too perfectionistic, procrastination, too driven, too soft hearted, dreaming too big or making decisions too fast.  It is not a weakness, it is mismanaged energy that causes a detriment. And you CAN manage your natural talents well, if you know how to control the energy and the need.  (This is exactly where Strengths Coaching becomes so essential and valuable!)

•   Talent + Knowledge + Skill + Experience = STRENGTH.

◦   Talent alone is mere potential.  In order to use your talent well, you need to develop it.  And developing talent is done in practice - by using it.  

◦   Talent and knowledge:  Knowledge is an essential building block of talent.  You need to have knowledge about the specific talent (awareness), but then, you need to acquire knowledge in the specific area where the relevant talent(s) provide energy and need.  Often knowledge is directed towards "passion" or "interest", and that is correct.  But once you understand your specific talent needs and energy, you can become much more specific within the knowledge you acquire in order for the talent to become a strength.

◦   Talent and skill:  You can acquire pretty much any skill you want.  Limit to skill lies in physical, emotional and intellectual ability, but still one can go very far with "hard work".  Skill is the abilities you develop.  Talent is the sustainability to keep on using skills.  Again, if you develop and acquire skills within the correct alignment of your talents, you are on a pathway to success and engagement that may surprise you!

◦   Talent and Experience:  Talent, just like skill, must be practiced.  It is a matter of "use it or lose it".  You need to become, and to stay "talent fit."  The more experience you have within your talentedness, the stronger you will play and the more value you will add to whatever you do.  Experience means most when it is gained very specifically and focused.  If experience is not aligned with talent, it is mostly only wasted time.

•   Talent development is intentional.

◦   All too often do I encounter people who believe that talent will develop and grow simply like the body does.  It probably will, but if not exercised, fed and developed with intention, your talent potential will not be reached.

◦   No matter what industry, field or discipline:  if you study people who are successful and fulfilled, and recognized as being so, they will be able to share with you a life story of intentional talent development - aligned with the acquisition of knowledge, skill and experience.

•   The development of talent is measured in TIME.

◦   Time is basically the only measurable element we cannot get back, once we have used it.  That is also the reason time is so precious.  Talent development is directly and proportionally in line with the time you spend to develop it.

◦   Many individuals and companies are not willing to make the investment of time within talent development.  The result is that they can only rely on the knowledge, skill and experience people bring - and all too often the energy lacks, and the needs of individuals are not fulfilled.  Disengagement follows.  Be willing to invest time in talent development.  The return on this investment - if done intentionally and accurately - will be beyond belief.

Next time when you are asked the question "What are your Strengths?", I hope you are able to NOT give a mundane, generic answer, based on general abilities.

I hope you clarify the question by maybe first asking "Do you mean my Strengths, or are you referring to my knowledge, skills and experience?".  That will already make them think twice about their own question....

Remember that your Strengths are a combination of what Strengthens you out of natural energy and natural need, combined with relevant and specific knowledge, skill and experience.  If I am asked the question "What are your Strengths?", I will reply in more or less the following way:

"I have a well developed Strength in moving people with high potential towards new levels of performance they did not see as possible. I know how to spot the exact potential in people, and then I have the skill and experience to help people excel from good to great faster than expected.  This is also known as the Maximizer Strength.

I have enormeous capacity for information - obtaining it, researching it, processing it and turning it into skill. New information, learning and ideas are my thing, and when I have the freedom and opportunity to use my capacity for reading, researching, writing and teaching, I have the skill to share the information in ways that help others understand, grow and excel. I obtained the skill and experience to be a brilliant facilitator, teacher and trainer.

This is also known as a combination of the Strengths of Learner, Ideation, Input and Intellection.

I also have the well developed Strength to be very responsive in the moment.  I can change direction in an instant. I love pressure and respond to new agendas, schedules and challenges with high energy. I developed the management of this energy to a degree that is became a Strength which sets me apart from most others.  You will not easily catch me off balance.  As long as it is within my field of expertise, you can bring it on without even giving me a heads-up.  I will respond, and respond brilliantly. I am flexibly and responsive to the utmost. This is also known as the Strength of Adaptability.

I bring with me also a natural radar for risk.  I need time to think things through, and if you want someone to play devils advocate and spot the risks in a planned action or direction, I am your guy. I can look at the facts and data in a very sceptical and analytical manner, and once I believe it can be done, you can rest assured that all boxes are checked. Some call it pessimism. I call it a Strength, because I can apply it well.  So if you want a Strength of careful consideration before action, built on facts and deep deliberation, I am that person. It is also known as the combined Strengths of Analytical and Deliberative.

If you can live with the above energy and needs combined, and be assured that I am very aware of the pitfalls of each, and therefor I have spent many years in developing my knowledge, skills and experience around it in order to use it best, then I am your guy.  These are my Strengths."

Next time:  Understanding Weakness from a Strength Coaching perspective

Dries Lombaard is the co-owner of Strategic Leadership Institute and Neuworx, and has more than 7000 hours of Strengths Coaching experience over the last decade.  He is leading a vibrant and growing network of Strengths Coaches in Southern Africa, and works with corporate and multinational leadership and management teams and C-level leaders as a Strengths Coach and training facilitator.