Quit before a boss sucks the life out of you {Guest Article}

By Rob Wyse;  Communications Advisor/Strategist/Writer for Global Executives, Managing Director, New York at Capital Content

In a story in Parade, Lady Gaga explained that Tony Bennett “helped her through a troubling time when, she says, ‘I didn’t even want to sing anymore.’”  Her problem was that she could no longer trust people around her. They wanted to make her into something she wasn’t. Gaga also explained that there was emotional impact. She said, "I was so sad. I couldn't sleep. I felt dead."So why am I writing this? Because in your career, you have to be you. Genuinely you.

You and I certainly don’t have the fame, or notoriety of Lady Gaga, but we can learn from her and others in the limelight.

She stayed true to herself, true to her voice, and through it, reinvented herself. And to reinvent herself, she needed to collaborate with a person she could totally trust. She found that person in 88-year old Tony Bennett.

And, to succeed in business, you need to collaborate with those you trust. You need to find the people who want you to succeed, and in turn, you want them to succeed.

A few years ago, I was working with an executive who kept negatively chiding me, and many of the “underlings.” And, that is the way this senior executive viewed the staff at the company – as underlings. After continued negativity, I realized I had to end the relationship. It was hard. I liked the work I was assigned helping the company communicate about interesting business trend issues. In fact, I was always learning. But, I could no longer give to the client. The pain was not worth the gain.

While Lady Gaga felt she could not sing anymore, for this company, I could not perform anymore either. But, unlike Lady Gaga, I did not have an endless bank account and could not just quit cold turkey.

I was lucky. I was able to set a plan and eventually found a replacement for the income. I took the energy I was putting into the company and directed it into finding something new.

Is my life perfect? The answer is “no.” And, that is certainly not a real expectation. I have days of failure and days of success. I have days where everything goes wrong, and days where everything “seemingly” goes right -- probably no different than most of us.

But, now in my work there is a difference. Without a cloud of negativity, I can perform better simply because I was able to quietly shed an executive who was stifling me.

And, being stifled is different than typical on-the-job frustrations. If you are stifled, as my title connotes, the life is being sucked out of you.So, how do you keep pumping the life back into your life? How do you have boundless energy?Take a tip from Tony Bennett. Tony’s reference is Duke Ellington who said, “Number one, don’t quit. Number two, listen to number one.”

So, while I am suggesting that you quit, or leave the people sucking the life out of you, look in the mirror to pump the life back into yourself.

Keep trying. Keep reinventing yourself.  For that, we have many public role models.

One role model is Lady Gaga. Even at 28, Lady Gaga had to reinvent herself. She showed that she could transition from rock to jazz – and her new mentor, Tony Bennett, compared her to Ella Fitzgerald.”

Think of others who reinvented themselves:

George Foreman from boxer to grill master.
Suzanne Somers from actress to direct marketer extraordinaire.
Jack Welch from CEO to best selling author and management guru.

Think about Madonna who is a singer, songwriter, actress, dancer and businesswoman. Last month she was banned from BBC Radio1 for being old and irrelevant. The fact that she keeps pushing makes her relevant, and the ban will only make her more successful.

Inside all these examples, and inside you is the “little engine that could.” They are driven. Driven with passion, and driven by fear – a fear of failure. They keep chugging along.You may or may not like the examples I chose, but I trust you respect the resilience of these people.

Probably the most famous person who was open about fear of failure was the late Joan Rivers. She kept making and remaking herself – from comedian, to talk show host to Fashion Police. She stayed relevant. And, if you ever saw the 2010 documentary about her entitled, “A Piece of Work,” – she laid it on the line. Rivers said in a segment of the film holding up a blank page of her calendar, “You wanna see fear? Here’s fear!”

She was driven by her next booking, her next venue to always be relevant. And, she was until the very end.

So, if you have a boss sucking the life out of you, you are wasting your time. Find a way to get out. Find ways to start doing other things and volunteering so you engage with life. Things lead to things. And that is how to remake yourself.

But, number one don’t ever quit on yourself, and number two, listen to number one. (I think I heard that before).

This article was published on LinkedIn on 13 March 2015

Ten phrases good managers always say {Guest Article}

By Rick Conlow - CEO, WCW Partners

Good managers are different from other bosses. If you have had one lately you probably noticed they have high standards, are upbeat, knowledgeable and straight talkers. You will get the feedback you need to succeed. If you are lucky enough to have one you will want to excel, because you believe in yourself a little more when you are around them.

A key attribute about good managers is that they talk differently than their colleagues, and that adds to our sense of empowerment. I have listed ten statements I have heard many of them say regularly, and that would help any manager.

1. “I am glad you are on our team.”
Yes, some leaders actually say that once in a while instead of something like “What have you done for me lately?” I had one that used to say, “How much money have you made me today?” All employees want to be part of something bigger or grander than the every day grind, and it’s nice to know work can be that something. Leadership is influence, and it’s either positive or negative. There is no neutral.

2. “My vision is…”
It seems this is a novel concept, to communicate the overall goal of the work team, department, or company. It gives the big picture to everyone’s job and the why. Good managers do this concisely but with passion, not matter what the work is. It is also important for on-going updates, telling everyone on the team “Here is how we are doing.” With mediocre bosses every day is “same old, same old.”

3. “My expectations for you are…”

Few managers are good at providing clear goals and expectations. Our research shows that 80% of performance problems are because of a lack of clear expectations and goals. The best managers also say, “Let’s talk about your progress,” and not “Let me give you some feedback.” This means LOOK OUT! The excellent managers adhere to this quote by Pat Riley, President of the Miami Heat:“A coach must keep everyone on the team in touch with present-moment realities- -knowing where they stand, knowing where they’re falling short of their potential, and knowing it openly and fairly.”

4. “You can do it, I believe in you.”
We all need someone to believe in us. Good managers give encouragement, and they challenge you to do the better. I had one that would say, “You can do it, let’s keep hustling.” I had another one that used to sing the song, “Sixteen Candles” down the hallway. Then he’d come over and praise me about some goal and head back down the hall singing. It set a light tone to our brief meeting. Poorer managers always seem to be about bad news.

5. “Thank you!”

People want to be appreciated. A simple thank-you often is enough. ‘Great job on…’,’keep up the good work..’ are also others ways they recognize but they do it regularly and sincerely. It’s hard to get a compliment from other managers. It’s documented that genuine praise works, plus it’s the right thing to do.

6. “How’s it going?
They are willing to talk to you. Mr. Jim Low was a master at this. When I first met him his legend preceded him. For over a decade he led his market in profit, sales and employee retention. I asked why he was so good. He replied by laughingly saying, “I didn’t go to college.” He added that every day he’d come to work and first go talk to as many employees as he could by asking, “How’s it going?” He might relate this to something he knew about the person. The employees mostly talked about their lives. He discussed business only if they brought it up. Then, when he had a problem, he would go to employees and get the straight info, no BS, because he already had a positive relationship with them.

7. “What do you think?”
Considering the pressures of our jobs and the need for innovation and improvement, why wouldn’t a manager ask this question of his or her team members often? Here are two reasons to do it. First, you don’t want people bringing all of their problems or concerns to you. There isn’t enough time. You have to train them to problem-solve and become solution focused. Second, they will become more proactive while improving their performance. Most employees are astounded when their managers ask this question and reply, “What????” Sadly, less effective managers are fearful of the answers or don’t care. Famed basketball coach from UCLA John Wooden said, “It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.”

8. “How do you think we can improve?”

This is the next logical question to ask a team. When you do, you begin to get their buy-in and commitment grows. They want to achieve their goals for their reasons too, not just yours. Each employee has untapped potential for great ideas. Why not ask? The best do this and their employee engagement and productivity soars.

9. “I made a mistake.”
Nobody’s perfect. Good bosses admit it when they screw up and even apologize. Obviously, they aren’t making so many mistakes that they are apologizing all of time. I put this in here because it is so out character by leaders to do this at all.

I was at a conference a few weeks ago where a manager talked to his team about a marketing campaign that failed. The manager owned the failure, and said he was sorry to his team because he really pushed for it. Because he had trust with his employees, they got through it. By learning from this situation and collaborating they created a better plan-that worked. When was the last time you heard a manager say, “I made a mistake”?

10. “My success comes from my team.”
I have heard managers say this to their teams, but something more self-glorifying to their boss or colleagues. That gets around, and their credibility is destroyed. The managers that highlight their teams’ efforts and give credit to them for any victories are golden leaders. A leader’s success is all about the team. In the movie “The Mighty Ducks”, Coach Bombay tells his team,

“A team isn’t a bunch of kids out to win. A team is something you belong to, something you feel, something you have to earn.” With low employee morale and engagement in many companies, this is a valuable lesson that most managers have yet to learn.

Napoleon Hill declared, “Think twice before you speak, because words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.”Hopefully these ten phrases give you a lift, and helps you build your team up, not down like so many other managers do. Let’s not forget another quote filled with wisdom, by Emerson:“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”

This article was originally published on LinkedIn on 10 March 2015

Leave the perks; take the coaching {Guest Article}

By Charlotte Saulny

President and SVP of Education and Coaching at The Marcus Buckingham Company.

Foosball tables and wellness programs may attract talent, but they won’t keep it.

Whether you’re in Silicon Valley or Kansas City, you are living in a startup world now. We all are. Every year, the U.S. sees about 4,000 new start-ups, even though only 15 of those will generate 95% of the economic returns.[1] Despite the long odds, optimistic entrepreneurs continue breaking virtual ground on a daily basis. Even the U.S. Government backs the rising tide of start-ups in hopes of creating more high-quality jobs and driving the innovation we need to solve some of the globe’s biggest issues. 


More than any other thing you do to develop your team leaders, coaching helps to create a high-performing culture, because it is:

• Coaching identifies critical challenges and points to education and practices that help people learn how to be the best version of themselves, not only at work, but also in life.
• One-to-one coaching is “just for me and just enough of what I need right now, encouraging people to take what is unique about them and make it useful.
• Providing one-to-one coaching flaunts your commitment to nurturing talent. I often ask people, “what is the meaning you’re attaching to that action?” The action of investing directly in someone’s development conveys a pretty clear meaning: “I care about your future success.”

This start-up economy in which we find ourselves has big implications for hiring and retention of talent, and for culture. Many organizations try to differentiate themselves by offering increasingly extravagant perks. But fighting the perk war is a losing battle. Not because perks aren’t desirable. They are (don’t you dare try to take away my office stash of chocolate almonds). And not because your corporate culture isn’t important. It definitely is. When it comes to hiring and retaining talent, culture is the only meaningful differentiator.

But your corporate culture is about far more than whether people can bring their dogs to the office or do downward-facing dog onsite at noon. When it comes to retaining and nurturing talent, you have to do one thing: create an environment in which people feel like they have the opportunity to do their best work, every day. Perks are an investment in the present moment. If you want to retain your talent, you need to be investing in your people’s future.

Superstars need coaches.

There are many valid and important ways to create a culture in which people can do their best work. Learning programs can help people discover new ways of seeing and applying their innate strengths. Technology can increasingly understand who people are and deliver content that is meaningful, personalized, and relevant to what they need right now, at this very moment. But the most powerful, proven mechanism to support the culture that fosters and sustains talent is coaching.

In the corporate world, we are slowly expanding our structure of interpretation around coaching. It used to be that coaching was leveraged to help a struggling executive. It might as well have been dubbed swim coaching, because it was aimed at people trying to keep their heads above water (or to keep from drowning others). But that attitude is changing, fast. In fact, coaching has its greatest impact not in remediating poor performance, but in retaining top talent. Google’s Eric Schmidt went as far as to say that a board member telling him to get a coach — when he was already a highly successful CEO — was the best advice he ever received. As he put it, every famous athlete, every famous performer, has somebody who’s a coach to give them perspective.

When you look outside the corporate world, it’s easy to see how true that is. The most successful music superstars all have vocal coaches who put them through their paces and catch the subtle nuances that improve performance. It’s inconceivable that a top athlete would go without a coach. Quite frankly, without a coach, it would be impossible even to be a top athlete. Some coaches are highly visible, pacing the sidelines and showing up at the parades (it’s worth noting that Phil Jackson led Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant to 11 NBA titles between them, while their total without the great coach was exactly zero). Other coaches are behind the scenes, known only to insiders who watch closely (everyone knows Nadia Comaneci got perfect 10s at the Olympics in Montreal in 1976; few can name Bela Karolyi, the man who helped her elevate her performance to that height).

Obviously, the corporate world is a little different from the world of world-class sports and music stars. But only a little. We value performance just as much. We measure it just as obsessively as anyone in a ball cap with a whistle around his neck measures the performance of his team. And, just as in sports or in a band, while we need to address the team as a whole and coordinate its elements, performance happens one individual at a time. So why wouldn’t we address it that way?

Perks are about “we”; coaching is about “me.”

It’s all about the individual. This is why perks will never be the key differentiator. Perks are about the “we” — the whole company, together. “We” is a great thing. It’s important. But by definition, it’s not differentiated. Sure, you can differentiate yourself from the company down the street by offering better food, or laundry service, or even — I am not making this up — “life creation insurance.” (Because if you work here, you’re going to be too busy innovating to think about having kids just yet; tech magnets such as Apple and are now footing the bill for IVF, sperm donors and egg freezing.)

But what about differentiating each person and the unique strengths he or she has to offer? Investment in “we” is great. But where is the investment in “me”?

Coaching — specifically strengths-based coaching — is that investment. It is the surest, most direct way to help people make their greatest contribution and do their best work. At the risk of sounding like Dr. Seuss, it helps “me” be the best “me” I can be. It creates an overall culture for your organization that is the aggregate of myriad unique micro-cultures, one for each person. Because each person is able, with the help of a coach, to define and create the conditions under which he or she is not only productive and engaged, but fulfilled.


This personal, one-size-fits-one strengths-based approach makes as much sense in the corporate world as it does on a sports field. In both environments, team success is achieved by maximizing the impact of the individual. Strengths-based coaching focuses on individuals who want to take responsibility for becoming a more powerful contributor, and it emphasizes that their key areas of opportunity are their strengths, not their weaknesses. Every single person has unique gifts that can be leveraged to benefit both that individual, and the team. 


The job of the coach is to work with the individual to draw those gifts out, apply them to situational challenges and opportunities, and create the goals and action plans that will help to realize his or her potential.

Strengths-based coaching is like performance insurance.

Innovative organizations that already invest in coaching for their team leaders don’t consider it a “perk.” They consider it a “must,” because the performance of team leaders drives the performance of the entire organization. Organizations that know this consider coaching a way to retain, motivate and develop their most critical talent: their team leaders. To take just one example, 

Facebook has made strengths-based coaching an integral part of its culture. We have had the privilege of partnering with them over the past five years to weave the strengths approach into their management training. As part of that training, they have emphasized the importance of strengths-based coaching for their people managers, understanding that coaching team leaders lays the foundation for building stronger teams.

The bottom line? Competing in the perks war is necessary, but not sufficient. A tangible, personal investment in your people is the best way to differentiate your culture. And nothing is a more effective, more personal investment than coaching. Coaching is more about retention than remediation. Helicopter rides and frozen eggs may get attention and headlines, but they won’t retain top talent. Coaching will.

This article was originally published on www.tmbc.com on 27 April 2015.