Conflict - Productive or Destructive?

I recently watched an episode of the reality series "Top Shot", where sharp shooters compete for a $100'000 prize as being the number one shot.
In between shooting competitions, the all stay together in a house.  Obviously there are some pretty interesting human interaction between them - being highly competitive in the way they are.  In one of these situations, there was a showdown between two contestants, Mike and Jake.  
The confrontation reached boiling point when the two macho men stood face to face, daring each other to throw the first punch.  Jake was especially intentional to intimidate Mike to throw a punch at him, which will lead to immediate elimination from the contest. The anger and aggression on Mikes face was clearly visible.  The veins in his neck belted, and with clenched fists and gritting teeth he looked as if he was going to drop Jake with a tremendous blow.

Then something amazing happened. Suddenly Mike said in a soft voice: "Jake, I am not going to fight you."  Jake went on to lash out at him, calling him names and swearing at him in his face. Then suddenly Mike dropped his shoulders visibly, opened his fists and relaxed his muscles.  It was so intentional you could clearly see the conscious self control in his actions. He calmly smiled at Jake, turned and walked away, with Jake fuming and shouting further insults at him.

It was the best example of self control that I have ever seen. It was intentional, conscious and deliberate. It was control that you could see flowing from a mindful decision towards his whole body.  Although Jake (the weaker one in terms of emotional intelligence and self control) viewed Mike as weak and wimpy for backing down, everybody knew that Mike won the confrontation. He won it with self control.

Conflict is a given where two or more human beings interact.  It is simply a matter of time before the sparks fly. Water colliding with water makes a huge splash, wind blowing against wind creates tornado's, one rock cracks another and iron sharpens iron. No matter what you are made of, conflict is never gentle, quiet or smooth. 

Is it productive?  Now that is not a given.  That is a choice.  It is not a matter of pure luck, it is a matter of how you approach it, engage with it and handle it, which makes conflict either productive or destructive.

Conflict is not a monster.

The same can be said of conflict than is said of fire:  it makes a a cruel master, but an effective slave.  Conflict only dominates you if you allow it to. If you keep it within boundaries, and know when to give it fuel and when to starve it, conflict can be one of your most valuable companions.
True - just like fire, conflict is not always started or controlled by yourself.  But, you always have the choice how you are going to react to it. Are you going to use it to your advantage, or allow it to consume you, your team or your organization. because it has the ability to do either.  You decide if you engage the fire of conflict, or if you flee from it.

Conflict is both contextual, and personal.

Conflict is always born from the same soil:  a "need". Conflict starts where a need...or many needs, are not met.  And we all have needs of some sort. Some of these needs are very basic, even up to a point of survival, and we will literally fight for those needs.  Other needs are based on priority and value, and we constantly and daily consider these priorities against the energy, time and effort it may take to engage in conflict for the sake of the need.
Thus, conflict is personal. And contextual.  The skill you need is to distinguish between the two, and respond accordingly.  If you never contextualize conflict, you cannot add value through participating in it.  If you never take it personally, you won't grow.

Your emotional reaction to conflict is normal - but manageable.

We are wired to react with emotion towards conflict.  The way we react is something we need to control.  Some people are energised by conflict in various ways.  Others again seek to avoid conflict at all cost, as they experience negative emotions with it. Understanding your own natural emotional reaction towards conflict is key towards personal functionality in all walks of life.
Our brains are naturally created to be on the constant lookout for danger and confrontation.  We instinctively see or sense situations of danger that may lead to some kind of conflict.  Our brains then trigger the release of certain chemicals like adrenaline that enable our survival within the emerging danger.  We call this the "fight or flight" response.  In normal situations this response is a reaction we cannot be without.  But different circumstances, like stress to name one, can cause over reaction within either the fight or the flight response.  This is also why we have to train our brain to be able to distinguish between the contextual and personal elements involved in situations.  Conflict can thus be either productive or destructive. You can manage your reactions.  Like any skill, it takes effort and time to master, but you need to start with a conscious awareness of what happens beneath and above the surface in situations of conflict.

Strengths Based Conflict Management

Each one of us is unique in more ways than we can ever imagine possible.  We have our own unique combination of strengths (activities that strengthens us) and weaknesses (activities that drains us). Our personal patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving is one of a kind over all mankind.  Therefor only one person can be the master of your personal skills and patterns - you.
When we try to manage conflict better or more productively than we do, it is important that we understand how our talents (recurring patterns of though, emotions and behaviour) affects our environment. Self awareness on many fields is the one important first step towards the skills of conflict management.


- by Dries Lombaard, Director: Strategic Engagement, The Strengths Institute.


 

Managing Your Talents [18] - Learner

According to Gallup, the essence of the talent theme of Learner is the following:

You love to learn. The subject matter that interests you most will be determined by your other themes and experiences, but whatever the subject, you will always be drawn to the process of learning. The process, more than the content or the result, is especially exciting for you. You are energized by the steady and deliberate journey from ignorance to competence. The thrill of the first few facts, the early efforts to recite or practice what you have learned, the growing confidence of a skill mastered — this is the process that entices you. Your excitement leads you to engage in adult learning experiences — yoga or piano lessons or graduate classes. It enables you to thrive in dynamic work environments where you are asked to take on short project assignments and are expected to learn a lot about the new subject matter in a short period of time and then move on to the next one. This Learner theme does not necessarily mean that you seek to become the subject matter expert, or that you are striving for the respect that accompanies a professional or academic credential. The outcome of the learning is less significant than the “getting there.”

But a talent like this on itself is quite meaningless unless you develop and manage it. That is why we believe that "a well managed talent becomes a strength, but a mismanaged talent becomes a detriment".

How do you manage the talent of Learner?
  
You love to learn. You never seem to be satisfied with knowing enough. This is great, but it can also become a problem if not managed well. You are a learner by heart and mind. Your energy for learning new things and acquiring new skills is simply astounding. Even more so when you have the opportunity to learn within your field of interest.  This seemingly limitless longing to learn with the accompanying intellectual ability, has the possible effect that you can even become "stuck" in a "learning loop". You can never know enough.  You believe that it is impossible to know enough....and it probably is.  But this same energy and belief of yours, may also cause you to never be satisfied with a result, be it when learning or doing. It is as if you cannot reach the finish line with satisfaction. This may have a detrimental effect on your performance or on you motivation levels. It needs well management.

 How?

You need to set your "learning limits". You can use a deadline in time, or a deadline in another practical way to help you reach the finish line.  The first step to really manage this aspect well, is awareness of when this happens to you.  You need to be very certain that you get stuck, because you should not suppress your Learner Strength. It needs to go flat out, but, if you feel that you keep on coming back to the same things rather than reaching the goal you set with your learning, you know that it is a problem.  You can command and control you Learner.  Do it consciously.  Do not feed it more if you know you need to move on with a task.

Learner as a talent needs to master new skills. You should actively feed this need.  Your Learner makes you a master at perfecting skills.  Not all skills....very specific skills that is within your interest and capacity to reach.  This is such a strong need that you must give it specific attention.  (Do not confuse "skill" with only something physical.  It can also be a mental skill, emotional skill or spiritual skill.) Facts is, it is a need to learn the skill. If not, you will have a very frustrated talent!

How?

Seek out new skills to master.  Obviously this will naturally be within your interest field. But you should keep on seeking out new skills.  You may even find that you get bored with some learning activities.  Very often this is exactly because you actually see no challenge more in the underlying or obvious skill.  Set your aim higher.  Get involved with the real challenging and serious aspects surrounding the skills needed.  Become the best in the field.  If you feel you mastered it, move on. Acquire a new skill...

Do you have the Learner talent?  Maybe you have an experience of "Learner-management" you would like to add?  Please comment on this post and share your knowledge and experience.

- by Dries Lombaard, founder and owner of Africanmosaic and TALENTmosaic.

Important note when reading this: in this series, I simply focus on the specific talent in isolation. I do not take the crucial element of Talent Dynamics (two or more talent themes combining) into consideration. This is very important as any Coach should take that into consideration when coaching people in their talents. But you need to understand the challenges that the talent theme on its own might hold. Therefor the challenges in managing the talent as explained below might not be applicable to everyone, as the dynamics with some of their other talent themes might override the specific challenge and "make up for it". But, knowledge of the most common management challenges in every talent theme still is crucial in talent development and when turning the talent into a strength.  All information is my own, acquired by years of Strengths Coaching experience, and not verified or scientifically tested by Gallup. The definition at the beginning is the intellectual property of Gallup, and well researched.

Managing Your Talents [17] - Deliberative

According to Gallup, the essence of the talent theme of Deliberative is the following:

You are careful. You are vigilant. You are a private person. You know that the world is an unpredictable place. Everything may seem in order, but beneath the surface you sense the many risks. Rather than denying these risks, you draw each one out into the open. Then each risk can be identified, assessed, and ultimately reduced. Thus, you are a fairly serious person who approaches life with a certain reserve. For example, you like to plan ahead so as to anticipate what might go wrong. You select your friends cautiously and keep your own counsel when the conversation turns to personal matters. You are careful not to give too much praise and recognition, lest it be misconstrued. If some people don’t like you because you are not as effusive as others, then so be it. For you, life is not a popularity contest. Life is something of a minefield. Others can run through it recklessly if they so choose, but you take a different approach. You identify the dangers, weigh their relative impact, and then place your feet deliberately. You walk with care.

But a talent like this on itself is quite meaningless unless you develop and manage it. That is why we believe that "a well managed talent becomes a strength, but a mismanaged talent becomes a detriment".

How do you manage the talent of Deliberative?
  
Your critical thinking is an unique strength....if managed well.  You have a very unique ability to think carefully and critically about things. Most people do not understand this ability of yours.  They probably perceive you as negative, pessimistic and over-cautious.  This is not necessarily the case....but it could be. You really need to be aware of this and manage it well, otherwise your extremely strong critical ability may well drag you down. Fact is, you most probably are very hesitant. You see potential dangers and pitfalls. You have a critical mind.  This is NOT a bad thing - this is a strength. But you should learn how to offer this to others so they can also see it as a strength.

 How?

For the talent of Deliberative the issue is most often not in the fact that you see things others don't and are much more critical, but it is in the way you present or communicate those thoughts....or even the fact that you decide to keep quiet rather than face the frowns from others.
I like to say it this way:  with Deliberative, we need to change our feedback  from a "No this won't work" response to a "I am wondering if" response. You will find that some people love to rush in without considering the dangers or pitfalls.  You cannot understand this.  But, remember that they do not have your lens of Deliberative, and cannot see what you see.  Maybe they have a talent like Activator or Adaptability that prefers to rush right in and handle obstacles as they pop up.  Your approach aren't wrong, but neither are theirs.  It is a matter of when to use which approach.  The best way to start is to explain to others why you think the way you do, and that you need to first count the cost before you engage.  If they see your talent as a strength that adds to the bigger picture, they will embrace it more and you can make a practical impact with it.

Understand that your Deliberative needs time.  You need time for your Deliberative to function effectively.  This does not mean that you are "slow'.  It means you are meticulous and detailed in your thinking patterns. You consider plans, ideas or strategies in much more detail than most others can.  For this you need time to think, analyze, consider and weigh up different options before you make a decision.  You consider a multitude of facts before deciding.  You troubleshoot from all angles.  This is a timely process.  The problem is that others do not always understand your need for time.  They may push you for a decision.  This in itself can be to your and their detriment, and needs to be managed.

How?

Do everything you can to plan for having time before deciding. Create more time for yourself. "Plan for time".  Structure your meetings, your projects and your day is such a way that it allows for time to deliberate in between. Do whatever you can to create the spaces and places where you can think without being rushed.

Your Deliberative talent is like the brakes on a racing car. But, do not brake if speed is needed....and do not speed up when you need to brake.  Your  Deliberative slows things down on purpose:  in order to gather all the facts and to make the best possible decision according to the facts at hand. This is especially positive when decisions are made at such a pace that certain facts are left unconsidered. Your Deliberative tries to prevent that. Just like brakes on a racing car are used to slow the car down when approaching a bend in the road or an obstacle, your Deliberative does the same when it comes to decisions.  But, when miss managed, the "Deliberative-brakes" can slow down the car when it needs to speed up....and then even fail to slow it down when danger lurks.  You need to manage this well, in order for your talent to be most effective and useful.  

How?

You need to discern when to brake.  This is a skill you can learn from knowledge and from experience.  You can also make use of other Talents that naturally have the strong ability to know when speed is needed and when not - like Strategic, Arranger, Command or Connectedness, to name a few.  If you do not consider the situation and simply follow your natural need to slow things down and think, you may well be sidelined by others because you hold them back.  On the other hand, do not be afraid to strongly offer up your ability to view things critically when needed.  Speak up!  Some talents need you to slow them down - like Activator, Competition, Self Assurance and Adaptability, to name a few.  What you need to develop is the skill and balance to use your Deliberative qualities at the right time and in the right manner.  Then you will truly add something special to your surroundings!


 
Your Deliberative Talent is needed!. Speak up and serve others with it, in a well managed manner.

- by Dries Lombaard, founder and owner of Africanmosaic and TALENTmosaic.

Important note when reading this: in this series, I simply focus on the specific talent in isolation. I do not take the crucial element of Talent Dynamics (two or more talent themes combining) into consideration. This is very important as any Coach should take that into consideration when coaching people in their talents. But you need to understand the challenges that the talent theme on its own might hold. Therefor the challenges in managing the talent as explained below might not be applicable to everyone, as the dynamics with some of their other talent themes might override the specific challenge and "make up for it". But, knowledge of the most common management challenges in every talent theme still is crucial in talent development and when turning the talent into a strength.  All information is my own, acquired by years of Strengths Coaching experience, and not verified or scientifically tested by Gallup. The definition at the beginning is the intellectual property of Gallup, and well researched.

Managing your Talents [16] - Achiever

According to Gallup, the essence of the talent theme of Achiever is the following:

Your Achiever theme helps explain your drive. Achiever describes a constant need for achievement. You feel as if every day starts at zero. By the end of the day you must achieve something tangible in order to feel good about yourself. And by “every day” you mean every single day — workdays, weekends, vacations. No matter how much you may feel you deserve a day of rest, if the day passes without some form of achievement, no matter how small, you will feel dissatisfied. You have an internal fire burning inside you. It pushes you to do more, to achieve more. After each accomplishment is reached, the fire dwindles for a moment, but very soon it rekindles itself, forcing you toward the next accomplishment. Your relentless need for achievement might not be logical. It might not even be focused. But it will always be with you. As an Achiever you must learn to live with this whisper of discontent. It does have its benefits. It brings you the energy you need to work long hours without burning out. It is the jolt you can always count on to get you started on new tasks, new challenges. It is the power supply that causes you to set the pace and define the levels of productivity for your work group. It is the theme that keeps you moving.

But a talent like this on itself is quite meaningless unless you develop and manage it. That is why we believe that "a well managed talent becomes a strength, but a mismanaged talent becomes a detriment".

How do you manage the talent of Achiever?
  
Managing the Achiever Talent, means managing your workload.  Achievers generally work harder than most.  You have the capacity and the drive to keep taking on new challenges and strive towards new goals. Achievers are energized by goals, and the more goals they have, the better. This means you can outwork most other people....but if not managed well, it also means you can outwork yourself.  For each goal you set, you sacrifice something.  It may be that you sacrifice time for something or someone else, you sacrifice opportunities or you even sacrifice your health. 

 How?

Understanding that your Achiever sets you above the average will help as you then understand that you need to manage your strong drive.  It might be good to think about the metaphor of a marathon runner rather than a sprinter.  You need to pace yourself for the long haul. This pace will always be faster than those who do not have this talent, but you need to take yourself into consideration.  This also means that you consider factors like your health, your age, your personal responsibilities like family etc. You need to be intentional in managing your work/life balance.  Different people pace themselves differently according to such factors, and you should do the same.  Think about your Achiever as a talent that can achieve in other arenas also - like in relationships, health and time management.  If you align your Achiever energy with your circumstances, it should not become a problem to you.

Understand that other people are not all lazy - even if you may feel that way.  Your Achiever talent gives you above normal energy and drive to get a lot done within a short space of time.  You do work harder, and often also smarter than other people. Your perception, therefor, is that most people when compared to what is normal to you, are simply lazy.   This is not true - although some people really are lazy... ;-) 

How?

You cannot project your Achiever talent on other people, just as they cannot project their special talents on you.  You will outwork most people.  The fact that you stronger in this area, does not make them lazy. They are again better at other things where you are not.
Be careful to project your Achiever and judge others,  rather use your drive and energy to inspire them to work harder and achieve more in a positive sense.  Sometimes you should even tell people that they must not try to keep up with you, as you do not expect them to.  You do expect them to use their own talents though.  Change your mind on this.  Look at others through the lens of what they DO bring, rather than through the lens of what they DO NOT bring.

(With all this said, you should not tolerate laziness when it does occur!)

Your Achiever Talent makes you special. Offer it to the world every day.  Go achieve!!

- by Dries Lombaard, founder and owner of Africanmosaic and Director: Strategic Engagement at the Strengths Institute SA

Important note when reading this: in this series, I simply focus on the specific talent in isolation. I do not take the crucial element of Talent Dynamics (two or more talent themes combining) into consideration. This is very important as any Coach should take that into consideration when coaching people in their talents. But you need to understand the challenges that the talent theme on its own might hold. Therefor the challenges in managing the talent as explained below might not be applicable to everyone, as the dynamics with some of their other talent themes might override the specific challenge and "make up for it". But, knowledge of the most common management challenges in every talent theme still is crucial in talent development and when turning the talent into a strength.  All information is my own, acquired by years of Strengths Coaching experience, and not verified or scientifically tested by Gallup. The definition at the beginning is the intellectual property of Gallup, and well researched.

Managing your Talents [15] - Relator

According to Gallup, the essence of the talent theme of Relator is the following:

Relator describes your attitude toward your relationships. In simple terms, the Relator theme pulls you toward people you already know. You do not necessarily shy away from meeting new people — in fact, you may have other themes that cause you to enjoy the thrill of turning strangers into friends — but you do derive a great deal of pleasure and strength from being around your close friends. You are comfortable with intimacy. Once the initial connection has been made, you deliberately encourage a deepening of the relationship. You want to understand their feelings, their goals, their fears, and their dreams; and you want them to understand yours. You know that this kind of closeness implies a certain amount of risk — you might be taken advantage of — but you are willing to accept that risk. For you a relationship has value only if it is genuine. And the only way to know that is to entrust yourself to the other person. The more you share with each other, the more you risk together. The more you risk together, the more each of you proves your caring is genuine. These are your steps toward real friendship, and you take them willingly.

But a talent like this on itself is quite meaningless unless you develop and manage it. That is why we believe that "a well managed talent becomes a strength, but a mismanaged talent becomes a detriment".

How do you manage the talent of Relator?
  
First, if you want to manage the Relator Talent, you need to manage the 2 values all Relators live by: TRUST and LOYALTY.  The Talent of Relator actually means "relating to". All Relators first needs to relate to something, then to trust, and then they become extremely loyal. Relators live by trust - they both need to trust and to be trusted.  Thus, for a Relator, the non negotiable aspect of who they are, is that you should keep the trust. They live by a "circle of trust", and getting in is not by default - it is earned. So, when trust is broken, a Relator usually does one thing:  they walk away. They cut the cord.  They do not look back. Relators may forgive, but forgetting to them is nearly impossible.  And they do not believe that trust can merely be restored by a "I am sorry".  This truth about Relator as a pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving, means that they may well have some painful stories of broken relationships in their past - and this in itself needs to be managed well.

 How?

For starters, be open about your trust-value.  People need to understand how you think and feel about relationships. Sometimes others may not at all see their actions a breaking trust - but to you it is exactly that.  You need to communicate it well.  Honest and open.
Then, apart from this, also practice your "grace muscle". You need to show some grace to people along your journey.  Agreed, broken trust is serious, and should not be ignored. But, honesty without grace is brutality. Make a conscious effort to fill some of your thoughts, emotions and behaviour with grace.

Secondly, understand that your Relator Talent "relates to" in its essence, and that means it relates to a lot more than only people.  Even though people forms the essence of your Relator, this talent relates to places, brands, ideologies, values, products and even to specific moments. This knowledge and understanding of the Relator Talent is important, as it explains a lot about your behaviour. You probably prefer the same store to shop at, the same brands to wear and the same type of functions to attend. Just as in relationships, if your trust in a place, brand or product is broken, you simply walk away.  They wont see you again. They lost you as a client, member or supporter.  When well managed, this is simply a quality of yours. When miss-managed, it could make life difficult for you.

How?

Do not be too harsh.  You need some grace in this instance too.  But, on the other hand, choose the things you relate to carefully.  It must live up to your standards and needs. Also manage that "walking away" trait of this talent.   Sometimes you might find it very difficult to get a satisfactory replacement.

Thirdly, Relators "go deep". Make sure others understand this. But also, be sure you understand it!     Going deeper than most in relationships also mean that you do not choose to have many relationships. You actually have a small capacity for real friends, but enormous capacity to dig deep in the relationships you do treasure. This means it is a real need of your Relator Talent that need management.

How?

Make time for your (real) friends. Invest in them, as they already regard you as trustworthy and honest. But, if you neglect your real friends, you neglect yourself. Deep and meaningful friendships is something you need just as much from others as you contribute to them.

The world need Relators. Go share it.

- by Dries Lombaard, founder and owner of Africanmosaic and TALENTmosaic.

Important note when reading this: in this series, I simply focus on the specific talent in isolation. I do not take the crucial element of Talent Dynamics (two or more talent themes combining) into consideration. This is very important as any Coach should take that into consideration when coaching people in their talents. But you need to understand the challenges that the talent theme on its own might hold. Therefor the challenges in managing the talent as explained below might not be applicable to everyone, as the dynamics with some of their other talent themes might override the specific challenge and "make up for it". But, knowledge of the most common management challenges in every talent theme still is crucial in talent development and when turning the talent into a strength.  All information is my own, acquired by years of Strengths Coaching experience, and not verified or scientifically tested by Gallup. The definition at the beginning is the intellectual property of Gallup, and well researched.

Managing your Talents [14] - WOO

According to Gallup, the essence of the talent theme of WOO is the following:

Woo stands for winning others over. You enjoy the challenge of meeting new people and getting them to like you. Strangers are rarely intimidating to you. On the contrary, strangers can be energizing. You are drawn to them. You want to learn their names, ask them questions, and find some area of common interest so that you can strike up a conversation and build rapport. Some people shy away from starting up conversations because they worry about running out of things to say. You don’t. Not only are you rarely at a loss for words; you actually enjoy initiating with strangers because you derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection. Once that connection is made, you are quite happy to wrap it up and move on. There are new people to meet, new rooms to work, new crowds to mingle in. In your world there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet — lots of them.

But a talent like this on itself is quite meaningless unless you develop and manage it. That is why we believe that "a well managed talent becomes a strength, but a mismanaged talent becomes a detriment".

How do you manage the talent of WOO?
  
First, your WOO talent is energized by your interaction with people, but it goes further than simply that. Your WOO needs to "win them over".  This means that there are always an agenda or goal when you gather people around you, or when you mix with them.  From a personality perspective - when you are extroverted - the interaction alone energizes you. But the talent needs more than interaction. It goes towards interaction with a reason. This reason need not be practical at all....like selling something.  It can be purely for the sake of sharing thoughts, for instance, and winning people over towards your ideas or opinions.  A WOO talent needs to understand their need for winning over, and how they actually naturally think, feel and behave in this manner.  This talent could go into "overdrive" and it can actually be to your detriment if mismanaged, as people might not understand your need or your agenda, and they might misunderstand your intentions, and then  actually even feel used in this manner.  You should manage your WOO well in this matter.

 How?

Openness and honesty are mostly the best way to win people over - and the lack of it always lead to trust being broken.  Manage you need to win others over with the values of being open and honest regarding your intentions.  People will respond with more openness then also.  Also, make sure people understand that if you have a goal tied to connecting with them, it does not de-value your respect for them.  People will always push back when they feel they have been used.

Secondly, aligning with the previous point, your WOO talent can be received as you being shallow, not being able to connect deeply.  This is not necessarily true, but people have different capacities for relationships.  Your WOO talent usually increases your capacity in this regard, and when others - with a smaller capacity in relationships - see this, they simply come to the conclusion that it cannot be real. This is not necessarily the case. Your capacity for having relationships, remembering names, interacting socially and connecting people are all part of your amazing WOO talent. But, you must know that others might not understand this.  Make sure they do.

How?

Again, explain your talent to them.  Knowledge about a talent and what it needs and contributes will also be a great help to those who do not have this unique ability.
 Be proud of your strength in this regard, and share the details about it with others.

Thirdly, a WOO talent demands healthy boundaries.  A miss-managed WOO because of a lack of healthy boundaries can be extremely annoying. You need to work on this, and understand that your WOO talent is by nature "audible and visible".  This demands healthy boundaries so that people do not feel overwhelmed or steamrollered by this talent.

How?

Healthy boundaries goes with respect for other peoples needs and wants.  It gives you the much needed skills to know when to engage and when to back off.  It helps you understand when to accept "No", and when not to.  This is a mature skill, and many people lack this ability.  Your strong WOO talent seriously needs to be balanced with healthy boundaries, as you should not disregard your talent or shut it down, but you need to manage it well.  I can strongly re comment the book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Get it, read it and apply it.

Now go and offer this awesome talent to the world!

- by Dries Lombaard, founder and owner of Africanmosaic and TALENTmosaic.

Important note when reading this: in this series, I simply focus on the specific talent in isolation. I do not take the crucial element of Talent Dynamics (two or more talent themes combining) into consideration. This is very important as any Coach should take that into consideration when coaching people in their talents. But you need to understand the challenges that the talent theme on its own might hold. Therefor the challenges in managing the talent as explained below might not be applicable to everyone, as the dynamics with some of their other talent themes might override the specific challenge and "make up for it". But, knowledge of the most common management challenges in every talent theme still is crucial in talent development and when turning the talent into a strength.  All information is my own, acquired by years of Strengths Coaching experience, and not verified or scientifically tested by Gallup. The definition at the beginning is the intellectual property of Gallup, and well researched.