Strengths Institute recently had a 5 Day Weakness Awareness Challenge with their Network of Strengths Coaches. We do not believe you should ignore your Weaknesses! You should rather embrace it in a confidently vulnerable attitute. Learn from it....but don't try to make it a strength.Over 5 days, each participant took one of their lowest 5 Talent Themes (Non Patterns) and reflected on the impact it has on personal thoughts, emotions and behaviour - from a weakening perspective.
The feedback was incredible! We decided to post some of the experiences of the Coaches as Blog Posts. Enjoy!
Chris van Deventer - Strengths Institute Accredited Strengths Coach:
Weakness: Siginificance
The spotlight has always been a weird place for me. All that attention and applause and drive to be known. It always feels like its a sin because you are suppose to be humble. Just do what you do and don't make waves with your name written all over it.
As it always works I started to encounter Significance more often amongst my friends. I was forced to come to terms with this theme. My Belief talent was kicking and screaming in the process but it had to happen. I was judging people who needed feedback and applause. I became arrogant. I became the person I thought Significance makes you.
Funny how these things work. It was, and still is, being rectified by people I love.
I soon discovered that when Significance receives no feedback it becomes a bit unsatisfied and then actively seeks feedback. Significance also suffers from scrutiny in religious circles where humility is valued. It needs validation to know it meant something to someone. And in this the humility. Significance is selfless. My Belief just interfered.
My lack of significance makes me not need feedback that much. My Responsibility talent just wants to know if I was loyal. I now appreciate Significance more and more. My lack of it makes me not like being in the spotlight although people have told me i make a good MC at events.
I am therefore reluctant to say yes to positions with lots of attention. This also makes me stubborn to feedback at times. Im starting to see that Significance is all about making an impact. My Belief Theme likes this. Its a work in progress...
Weakness: Discipline
I feel trapped in a corner easily when not given freedom to chop and change as I go. I need freedom to change a schedule, plan, or way of thinking. I never liked the idea of control or being controlled by rigid guidelines or structure. I know some prefer predictability but my Adaptability just gets drained when things are planned up to the last detail. I like to wing it. But I have acquired the skill to plan details. My lack of discipline is evident when it comes to exercise regimes. I need a partner in crime in this arena which activates my Responsibility. And I like to color outside the lines at times to see what happens.
My lack of discipline can make me unpredictable and therefore difficult to trust to some people. This makes me feel inadequate and it drains the life out of my relational themes when people don't trust me. This has been a point of conflict in many situations especially with my strategic just firing solutions forward and no one knowing how I got to the answers.
When it comes to facilitating big groups of people, towards or through something, I have come to value discipline. Sometimes if you fail to plan you plan to fail. I always anticipate change though. Even when coaching I tend to gravitate towards a more intuitive approach.
My lack of discipline is the most evident in my own personal life when it comes to personal goals like loosing a few kilograms. My adaptability just takes over and a treasure hunt for the cookies in the pantry seems way more exciting then doing a routine exercise.
My lack of structure can also make me passive until the pressure is on, which fuels adaptability of course.
I think what it boils down to is that I just don't prefer structure and this has cost me trust in relationships. I always thought people who impose structure just wants to control me and then I can become rebellious in a sense. And I'm starting to learn that at the heart of discipline is not manipulation...it is about progress.
Well thought out structured progress that is lined by good intentions. And I have noticed that people with discipline are sometimes misunderstood as being controlling. And it's hard on them.
Shucks...I think I need to go apologize to a few people and spread some love.
Weakness: Competition
The smell of deepheat, plasters, powerade, and pancakes. The sound of a team pacing around the locker room loaded with anticipation. A coach giving a speech from Braveheart. A crowd shouting anthems of victory. A battle is on its way...
Me, well I'm just there wondering if my mates are going to enjoy the game.
Competition has never made sense to me. Even when playing 30 seconds I was in it for the laugh while someone is frantically trying to explain some wayward actor or place you can only read of in a french magazine or see on National Geographic channel. To me its always been about being together. And that drives me to partake. Not the win but the excitement in the team when high fives and professional sportsman pats on the back are given. Empathy has been a great tool in managing the lack of competition.
It picks up the vibe in a team and helps me motivate people around me. Ive never been one for individual sports. This however has made me always want to support the team in whichever way I can. So it probably makes me a team player. Although, I have been ridiculed for not being competitive and this has made me doubt myself and my abilities.
Like I mentioned, individual competition drains me. It feels somewhat useless to compare myself with others. When it comes to winning I have noticed I have a rather fatalistic view of sorts. The best team or person will win. This has made me passive at times when needed most.
I have learned to use my Responsibility in this regard. Loyalty to the team drives me. My family is full of professional rugby, hockey, and badminton players. The athletic arena is not excluded. I just never could find the motivation to excel. I have been invited to provincial tryouts but was just not interested.
To me it has always been about loyalty to the team. Sports and corporate. It's about putting the best product out there so everyone can benefit and enjoy. With this said, I have come to appreciate Competition and how it brings about confidence in other people. Its a driving force that pulls an individual and team forward. I just prefer motivating from within a team. My previous boss once told me that I have a natural talent for pulling a team together. Making it a family and moving it forward as a unit. It's probably because I don't want to compete with others. I hope we all make it...
Weakness: Consistency
The lack of this one has brought me a lot of trouble. I tend to have favorites because of my relator. I had to train myself to not seem unapproachable. Maybe its the beard that scares people. My Belief talent wont let me do any harm or be malicious towards anyone. I've noticed that I didn't always engage with strangers though. Its not that I don't love people. I do! I just don't always notice everyone around me. I just thought people wanted to be left alone.
Projection maybe? But then I took a trip around South America and was forced to engage with different people. Now I see every person as a potential friend and that it can really make someone's day by just striking up a conversation.
My lack of consistency teamed up with strong adaptability makes me feel like people make their own choices and thus have different consequences in their lives. Yes everyone is equal and deserves the same but you still choose with who and what you engage and this alters your path...I think connectedness just spoke there as well.
There are rules and they cant be broken, you only break yourself against them. To me life is inconsistent, full of surprises and curve balls and red balloons and pizza. My point exactly.
There are always new and better ways to do things. Its not inconsistent, its innovative. As long as the baseline, truth, or rules are not broken its fine. Fairness is important. I just think some people capitalize more on it than others so good for them, I guess. Don't get me wrong, I dislike opportunists like a burnt marshmallow. Exploiting something is different than choosing how to respond to something. Oh and I dislike racism or any form of discrimination. If people want to be helped and the willingness is in place, with all the right motives to back it,my developer will jump at it like a puppy that attacks double ply toilet paper.
Therefore, fairness is great but we cant choose how people are going to respond to it. We choose our battles, friends, partners, careers, and type of bread. Those who are willing will succeed. And the only consistent thing about me seems to be my inconsistency...but rules are rules and responsibility will reign...
...sometimes.
Weakness: Harmony
Conflict = Growth
Lack of Harmony has always made me passionate about what I believe in and wont let me back down from a conviction. Well, this can be good or bad, depending on what the belief is.
One thing is for sure, the burning passion in my heart is not smothered easily. I sometimes struggle to see common ground. There has to be a total agreement or no agreement at all. And then it's okay to agree to disagree. At least there is some agreement then. Agreed.
Belief didn't always let me back down just for the sake of peace. I had to get a restraining order against it. Now I've managed to see that communicating a concern or objection is fine just as long as you don't shove it down someone's throat. Especially in teams. And triple especially if you are the leader. Harmony to me is different from unity. Harmony to me is peace. Unity is consensus on a common goal.
There needn't be harmony all the time. It makes us grow. Unless it becomes destructive. You can choose to leave your personal agendas at home and work as a team. Because as a team we are moving towards a common goal and you don't always have to agree on how and when. If the decision has been made, fall in line and start rowing the boat. Do your part, your way. Thats what makes it a team. Different opinions. And if you don't agree with people on the team at least agree with the common vision and mission. Or just jump overboard. Bey bey Felicia!
I've never had a problem with confronting people when I see a destructive behavior. To me its more important to sort out the behavioral issue because it destructive to the person and I believe in freedom. It all depends on how you sort it out but you cant prevent what you cant predict. And predicting a response of a person is like getting on a rollercoaster blindfolded while trying to eat smarties per color group. I value the development more than the discomfort of confrontation and emotional responses. My empathy likes emotional response...at least then people are being honest about how they feel.
Just to clarify, I don't like stirring things up just for the sake of it. Like it was said, our strengths almost become spiritual. They catalyze the environment we enter. They leave impressions. Footprints. Its like a fusion of energies when people gather and that to me creates harmony. Balance. We are different and we need each other to move forward.
I must admit there are times that I regret speaking up. It has caused unnecessary conflict. I try to gauge if the confrontation is worth the fight. This has been an inner battle and will still be as I grow and learn and confront and hold back. The balance is in choosing the fight by assessing if the goal is reachable or if the person is ready for it. The intention is always to develop someone or something. Never just to stir for the sake of excitement or attention. To me tension is good because it means we will head somewhere and not stagnate. And sometimes if we compromise too much we might lose ourselves in mediocrity. With Empathy at the top and Harmony at the bottom it is important to me to be honest about emotions even if it means discomfort. Because when the emotions are confessed and brought into the light we can deal with it.
In conclusion, If I know how you feel I can assess if I should give you a hug, buy you a drink, or help you get rid of a body....my Belief just growled at me. Scrap that last one.
Chris van Deventer is an Executive Strengths Coach accredited by the Strengths Institute South Africa.
chrisvandeventer8@gmail.com